The REAL secret sayings of Jesus Christ

[Adam]

"Where do you want me to carry this post to?"

"Are you sure I'm supposed to hold the nails this way?"

"Hey, you know that Judas guy? I boinked his wife last week. "

"I didn't say believe in me and you'll get into heaven, I said pay me and you'll get into heaven. Ten shekels pal. Cough it up."

"No, I'm not against usurers in general, just that bastard, he ripped me off!"

Ah, I'm just having some fun.

 

[Raithere]

"My dad's bigger than your dad."

"You mean they came all this way and no one thought to bring a friggin sandwich?"

"You should have seen the look on Peter's face when he started sinking!"

"Guys. I was just kidding about the whole messiah thing. Wait! Guys?

"Hey Thomas! I can see your house from here."

"Second coming? Pfft. You know what they did to me last time I went down there?"

~Raithere

Irreverence is the champion of liberty. - Mark Twain

 

[Tiassa]

Quite the view, indeed

"Hey Thomas! I can see your house from here."

Funny, that ... (You'll enjoy this)

Roger Waters, "It's a Miracle", from Amused to Death

It's A Miracle

Miraculous you call it babe
You ain't seen nothing yet
They've got Pepsi in the Andes
McDonalds in Tibet
Yosemite's been turned into
A golf course for the Japs
The Dead Sea is alive with rap
Between the Tigris and Euphrates
There's a leisure centre now
They've got all kinds of sports
They've got Bermuda shorts
They had sex in Pennsylvania
A Brazilian grew a tree
A doctor in Manhattan
Saved a dying man for free
It's a miracle
Another Miracle
By the grace of God Almighty
And the pressures of the marketplace
The human race has civilized itself
It's a miracle
We've got warehouses of butter
We've got oceans of wine
We've got famine when we need it
Got designer crime
We've got Mercedes
We've got Porsche
Ferrari and Rolls Royce
We've got choice
She said meet me
In the Garden of Gethsemene my dear
The Lord said Peter I can see
Your house from here
An honest family man
Finally reaped what he had sown
A farmer in Ohio has just repaid a loan
It's a miracle
By the grace of God Almighty
And the pressures of the marketplace
The human race has civilized itself
It's a miracle
We cower in our shelters
With our hands over our ears
Lloyd-Webber's awful stuff
Runs for years and years and years
An earthquake hits the theatre
But the operetta lingers
Then the piano lid comes down
And breaks his fucking fingers
It's a miracle

 

[Raithere]

Re: Quite the view, indeed

Originally posted by tiassa
Funny, that ... (You'll enjoy this)

I give it a 5, it's got a good beat and you can dance to it.

Of course I don't claim to have originated the joke, it's an old one. I just find Thomas to be funnier than Peter because, of course, Thomas was the doubter, which leads to scenarios such as Thomas climbing up onto the cross and such.

I'll use the opportunity to also point out that Peter was called "The Rock" because of the sinking incident and Jesus, being a nice guy, was just trying to make him feel better about it when he said the thing about the church. I also think the Church should look into litigation against that wrester guy, there's an obvious copyright infringement there.



~Raithere