The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

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I was invited to a function at the premature Ejaculation Society. When I asked what was the dress code they said 'just come in your pants'


Zoe
 
Lady and her best friend go on holiday to the caribbean and meet a musclar Black guy. After a week of fantastic threesome sex they ask his name. He says my names 'Snow' The ladies start laughing, he asks why they are laughing? They reply 'our husbands will never believe we had 10 inches of fucking snow in the caribbean'.
 
This poem was written by a african kid : When i born , i black . When i grow up , i black . When i go in sun , i black . When i scared , i black . When i sick, i black. & when I die , i still black . And u white fella .. When u born , u pink . when u grow up ur white. When u go in sun u red. When u cold , u blue. When u scared , u yellow. When u sick , you grey .. & u fucking call me coloured!!
 
A reasant studdie hes chown that peopel whoo r fooking amezin in bed r krap at spalling!
 
Why is Orgasm a 6 letter word?

Because its easier to spell than...
OhmygodyesOhshitdeeoeryesgodpleaseharderOhfuckyesyesOhgodfuckmebaby!
 
Mary had a little twat, a teeny weeny hole, but johnny couldnt fit in it, his massive manly pole, he sucked her tit, licked her clit, and tried to squeeze it in, but nothing seemed to work for him, he just couldnt fucking win, So mary drank a lot of wine, she smoked a bit of grass and just as she was passing out he shoved it up her ass!!
 
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36inch DD breasts covered in warm belgium chocolate... 1 inch erect nipples pierced with golden nipple rings topped with whipped cream... Clean shaven minge framed by an open crotched leather thong.. Most salty clit smothered in Blackberry jam.... This is not ordinary porn.... this is M&S Porn..!
 
Following a whirlwind romance, Gary Glitter is to marry his fiance tomorrow in Grenta Green. When asked why his in-laws weren't invited, he claimed his bride hadnt spoken to her parents since a nightmare holiday last year in Portugal..
 
brummie1984 said:
I was invited to a function at the premature Ejaculation Society. When I asked what was the dress code they said 'just come in your pants'


Zoe
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HAHAHAHA

Class.

3 pregnant women are knitting together, they all start comparing the supplements they're taking. One woman says 'Oh its vitamin C, to enhance my baby's immune system.' Another woman says 'My one was iron, for my baby's blood.' The 3rd woman said 'Mine was thalidomide. I can't get these damn arms right.'
 
visceral_instinct said:
HAHAHAHA

Class.

3 pregnant women are knitting together, they all start comparing the supplements they're taking. One woman says 'Oh its vitamin C, to enhance my baby's immune system.' Another woman says 'My one was iron, for my baby's blood.' The 3rd woman said 'Mine was thalidomide. I can't get these damn arms right.'
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Haha. Not heard that in ages.

Did you know they have started using thalidomide again?
 
visceral_instinct said:
WHAT?!

They are deliberately using a substance which causes kids to be born with deformed or missing limbs??!!!

Why?
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It was one of the stereo isomers that was causing trouble whilst the other was fine.

Now they can separate the two and only use the good one.
 
Little boy asks - "mom, where do babies come from?"
Mom says - "the stork brings them dear"
The little boy looks back puzzled and says "then who fucks the stork?"
 
brummie1984 said:
Following a whirlwind romance, Gary Glitter is to marry his fiance tomorrow in Grenta Green. When asked why his in-laws weren't invited, he claimed his bride hadnt spoken to her parents since a nightmare holiday last year in Portugal..
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That is the funniest joke I've heard in pages!!!
 
brummie1984 said:
Following a whirlwind romance, Gary Glitter is to marry his fiance tomorrow in Grenta Green. When asked why his in-laws weren't invited, he claimed his bride hadnt spoken to her parents since a nightmare holiday last year in Portugal..
Click to expand...

sorry I missed some back story. please explain.

Gary Glitter's antics don't always headline the news in the states....
 
Gary Glitter fiddled and diddled his way throught kiddies in Vietnam, got caught, almost got away with it, didn't, served some time in 'Nam, got extradited to England and is now free to roam the countryside....

The 'bride' reference is to do with Maddie McCann, the little girl snatched from her room in Portugal last year, and who is still missing.
 
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I had missed the McCann reference. Thanks very much.

I had to look up the Natasha Collins reference earlier on... what a story that was...
 
unixgeek13 said:
I had missed the McCann reference. Thanks very much.

I had to look up the Natasha Collins reference earlier on... what a story that was...
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Natasha Collins and Mark Speight really were the perfect couple....

One was steaming hot, the other was well hung!
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She died in a bath (passed out and drowned) but had burns on her body, Mark was upset by the whole thing and eventually hung himself at some trainstation. Was a real tragedy, remember feeling sad when I heard about it.

I really shouldn't have laughed at that joke tho.
 
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