The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!
- Thread starter The Flemster
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Not very offensive but meh..
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. One of the students said to his friend: 'I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome - those people walk just like that'. The other student says: 'No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome, he walks just like we learned in class'. Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached the old man and one of the students said to him: 'We're medical students and couldn't ignore the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?' The old man said: 'I'll tell you but first you'll tell me what you think.' Then one of the students said: 'I think it's Petry Syndrome'. And the old man said: 'you thought, but you're wrong. Then the other student said: 'I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome'. And the old man said: 'you thought, but you're wrong.' So they asked him: 'so what do you have?' And the old man said: 'I thought I needed to fart. I thought, but was wrong'
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. One of the students said to his friend: 'I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome - those people walk just like that'. The other student says: 'No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome, he walks just like we learned in class'. Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached the old man and one of the students said to him: 'We're medical students and couldn't ignore the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?' The old man said: 'I'll tell you but first you'll tell me what you think.' Then one of the students said: 'I think it's Petry Syndrome'. And the old man said: 'you thought, but you're wrong. Then the other student said: 'I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome'. And the old man said: 'you thought, but you're wrong.' So they asked him: 'so what do you have?' And the old man said: 'I thought I needed to fart. I thought, but was wrong'
Two bums are walking along the side of a road early one morning, complaining about their empty stomachs. The night before they
had spent every dime they had on whiskey, so naturally they had no money for breakfast. By and by they come upon a flattened possum lying dead on the roadside. The first bum says to the second, "I'll split it with ya."
The second politely refuses, so the first bum eats the entire thing by himself. An hour or so later, as they are walking, the first bum starts turning green. He gags for a few minutes and then spews the possum remains all over the road.
The second bum smiles and says, "I knew if I waited long enough I'd get a hot meal."
had spent every dime they had on whiskey, so naturally they had no money for breakfast. By and by they come upon a flattened possum lying dead on the roadside. The first bum says to the second, "I'll split it with ya."
The second politely refuses, so the first bum eats the entire thing by himself. An hour or so later, as they are walking, the first bum starts turning green. He gags for a few minutes and then spews the possum remains all over the road.
The second bum smiles and says, "I knew if I waited long enough I'd get a hot meal."
T
TimWalden
Guest
another weak one (sorry skaught):
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in
the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the
door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about
three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think
you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding
rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in
the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the
door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about
three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think
you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding
rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.
Aww that made me chuckle.
Good joke, badly told.
How about -
Q: What do you call some black folks working in a field?
A: The good old days.
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dr_mambo
Guest
Been lurking round here for a while, and thought it was time I started contributing...
Paki's wife dies, and he goes to put an announcement in the paper. He is told it is £1 for every three words. He only has £1, so he decides upon, "Sanjit is dead". The bloke who works there feels sorry for him, and lets him have another three free of charge. The paki thinks for a minute, and finally says "Sanjit is dead, shop still open."
The latest christmas toy has just hit the shops- a talking Muslim doll. Problem is, nobody knows what is says as noone has the nerve to pull the chord.
An Air India jet carrying 600 Paki's disappeared off radar 25 seconds ago. The search has now been called off.
Q. Why do so many niggers die during wars?
A. Because every time someone yells "Get down", they start dancing.
Hope they were ok...
Paki's wife dies, and he goes to put an announcement in the paper. He is told it is £1 for every three words. He only has £1, so he decides upon, "Sanjit is dead". The bloke who works there feels sorry for him, and lets him have another three free of charge. The paki thinks for a minute, and finally says "Sanjit is dead, shop still open."
The latest christmas toy has just hit the shops- a talking Muslim doll. Problem is, nobody knows what is says as noone has the nerve to pull the chord.
An Air India jet carrying 600 Paki's disappeared off radar 25 seconds ago. The search has now been called off.
Q. Why do so many niggers die during wars?
A. Because every time someone yells "Get down", they start dancing.
Hope they were ok...
I've seen it. It's that device they have on Eureka that gives autistic children super-powers.
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Davebo
Guest
what dyou use to blind fold a chinky?
dental floss!
What do you call a beatiful Woman in china?
A Tourist!
ps. i have nothing against the chinese
dental floss!
What do you call a beatiful Woman in china?
A Tourist!
ps. i have nothing against the chinese
L
loltrain
Guest
So much of what is in this thread is LAME and people still write crap like OMG LOL appologies for being so naughty, shut up, you sense of humor is shit, you can't see x neither can stevie wonder cause he's blind LAME, other people seem to have an agenda by pushing 10 shit jokes about how dumb niggers/arabs/packies or whoever they want to hate are, passive racist people are the blurst. Racism isn't really that offensive anyway if you want make people cringe with laughter nothing beats child rape. That been said I have seen a few gems. Here are some more....
What's an activity that 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang Rape
What's blue and fucks 12 year olds?
Me in my lucky blue suit.
What's the best sound in the world?
Hearing baby's hips crack under pressure
Why did the aboriginal abortion clinic shut down?
The ferret died
What's funnier than the chicken crossing the road?
Rape
What do you do after raping a deaf girl?
Break her fingers so she can't tell her mum
What's an activity that 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang Rape
What's blue and fucks 12 year olds?
Me in my lucky blue suit.
What's the best sound in the world?
Hearing baby's hips crack under pressure
Why did the aboriginal abortion clinic shut down?
The ferret died
What's funnier than the chicken crossing the road?
Rape
What do you do after raping a deaf girl?
Break her fingers so she can't tell her mum
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dr_mambo
Guest
Victoria Beckham has revealed that whilst in LA, she slept with Gary Glitter. Glitter however denies this, claiming he was in Brooklyn at the time.
A white guy and a black guy went fishing. The white guy catches a gold fish, and the gold fish tells him:"If you let me go, I'll make 3 of your wishes come true." And so the white guy thinks of 3 wishes, releases the gold fish and the gold fish makes the wishes come true. Further on, the black guy caches the same gold fish. And the gold fish tells him:"If you let me go, I'll make 1 of your wish come true." And the black guy says:"How come he got 3 wishes and I get only one?" And the gold fish replies:"Because you're a fuckin' nigger!"
5 muslims were klled in a car crash last night.
Police described their condition as 'satisfactory'.
Police described their condition as 'satisfactory'.
E
eganpe
Guest
A black kid covered his face with flour. He went to his mother and said ''mammy, look i'm white'' his mother smacked him and told him to go to his grandfather and tell him what he said. The kid went to his grandfather and said ''grand dad look i'm white'' his granfather also smacked him. The mother asked him what did he learn? he said ''I,m white 5 mins and I already hate black people''
M
Mr_Monk
Guest
How do you castrate a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw....
You could at least reuse one that wasn't on the same page
http://www.sciforums.com/showpost.php?p=2042742&postcount=1822
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