michael_coxonuk
Registered Member
Scouser, as much as I love topical jokes, it's not mandatory, any jokes are fine, the more the better
The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!
- Thread starter The Flemster
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Another poor fellow who took a rocking horse up the rectum is said to be riding a little low in the saddle.
Ahh!, medical conditions.
A well hung ploughboy who took a shine to his Shetland pony has averted the long arm of the law, the jury took pity on him as he looked a bit worse for wear and they presumed his bestialist tendencies were out of character..he was just feeling a little hoarse!
A well hung ploughboy who took a shine to his Shetland pony has averted the long arm of the law, the jury took pity on him as he looked a bit worse for wear and they presumed his bestialist tendencies were out of character..he was just feeling a little hoarse!
Whilst we're on the nags.
Thios is not particularly offensive but mildly humourous; What's the difference between a cavalry horse and a draught horse?
A cavalry horse darts into the fray...
Thios is not particularly offensive but mildly humourous; What's the difference between a cavalry horse and a draught horse?
A cavalry horse darts into the fray...
Heres a pretty offensive one...
Whats the difference between jam and jelly?
Highlight here for answer ---> You cant jell your dick in a girls ass!
Whats the difference between jam and jelly?
Highlight here for answer ---> You cant jell your dick in a girls ass!
T
TimWalden
Guest
Bear walks into a pub.
"I'll have a pint .................................. of lager please"
Barman says "Why the long pause?"
Bear looks at his hands and says "I was born with these"
"I'll have a pint .................................. of lager please"
Barman says "Why the long pause?"
Bear looks at his hands and says "I was born with these"
P
PEPOLSUCK
Guest
Doctor Joke
A man is waiting in the hospital for his wife to give labor. when the doctor walks up to him all excited.
Doctor: Sir you have to see this, your son, he is a super hero.
The man is all confused by this statement
So the doctor takes him into the nursery and picks up the the mans baby
Doctor: See, he can fly...
and drops the baby. The baby hits the floor and bounces a little bit.
The Man gets all pissed off..
Man: Hey what the Fuck if your problem..
Doctor: NO I ASSURE YOU!! Your baby is a super hero watch, maybe he just needs a head start.
So the doctor picks the baby back up and runs through the nursery and throws the baby. The baby slams right in to the wall head first and lays on the floor.
The man is even more mad now.
Doctor: I don't know why it isn't working maybe he needs to fall further to make his flying abilities work right.
The doctor then Grabs the baby off of the floor and takes it to the window and drops him. The baby falls and lands on the pavement.
The Man is beside himself
Man: I am going to kill you you piece of shit. Why would you do that?
Doctor: No, No, It's ok, It's ok, it was just a joke, It was just a joke... Your Baby was a stillborn
A man is waiting in the hospital for his wife to give labor. when the doctor walks up to him all excited.
Doctor: Sir you have to see this, your son, he is a super hero.
The man is all confused by this statement
So the doctor takes him into the nursery and picks up the the mans baby
Doctor: See, he can fly...
and drops the baby. The baby hits the floor and bounces a little bit.
The Man gets all pissed off..
Man: Hey what the Fuck if your problem..
Doctor: NO I ASSURE YOU!! Your baby is a super hero watch, maybe he just needs a head start.
So the doctor picks the baby back up and runs through the nursery and throws the baby. The baby slams right in to the wall head first and lays on the floor.
The man is even more mad now.
Doctor: I don't know why it isn't working maybe he needs to fall further to make his flying abilities work right.
The doctor then Grabs the baby off of the floor and takes it to the window and drops him. The baby falls and lands on the pavement.
The Man is beside himself
Man: I am going to kill you you piece of shit. Why would you do that?
Doctor: No, No, It's ok, It's ok, it was just a joke, It was just a joke... Your Baby was a stillborn
E
evo69
Guest
I was pleased to see we won another gold medal at the paralimpics for blind diving apparently our guy was the only one to hit the water
I came across an NSPCC advert yesterday.
Took me ages to clean the TV
September 11th 2001 was a very sad day for me. My dog died, I was fired from work and my Wife left me.
On a brighter note, there was some good stuff on the telly that day
It's the seventh anniversary of 9/11 and there will only be one thing on American's minds.
Fucking Cheeseburgers
I came across an NSPCC advert yesterday.
Took me ages to clean the TV
September 11th 2001 was a very sad day for me. My dog died, I was fired from work and my Wife left me.
On a brighter note, there was some good stuff on the telly that day
It's the seventh anniversary of 9/11 and there will only be one thing on American's minds.
Fucking Cheeseburgers
M
Mikey2K8
Guest
Im enjoying this forum its given me loads of jokes to tell lol so i thought ild join seems like bit of func
just some funny ones
Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.
The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"
The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."
Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.
Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?"
Bob says, "OK."
Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?"
Bob replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."
Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him. Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.
The guy tells Bob, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."
Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"
The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it.
just some funny ones
Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.
The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"
The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."
Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.
Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?"
Bob says, "OK."
Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?"
Bob replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."
Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him. Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.
The guy tells Bob, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."
Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"
The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it.
i'd reword it to 'whats the hardest thing when killing a baby'. just a little more correct. that being the most important part of the joke...
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