The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

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A Jewish man and a Chinese man are sitting next to each other on a train when the Jewish man turns to the Chinese man and says, “Your people really Got your ass kicked in WWII” the confused Chinese man said, “I am Chinese not Japanese, we didn’t get our ass kicked in WWII it was the Japanese”

The Jewish man replied, “Chinese, Japanese, you people are all the same”
The Chinese man now offended and upset took a few moments then said, “You Jews are not perfect, your people sank the Titanic”

The Jewish man quickly said, “You fool an Iceberg sank the Titanic”
The Chinese man said, “Iceberg, Weinberg, Steinberg, hell you are all the same”
 
Q: What’s the definition of a true Jewish dilemma?
A: Free ham Sandwiches at the local deli.
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Q: Why do Mexican Low Riders have those really super small steering wheels on their cars?
A: So they can drive while wearing handcuffs
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Q: What’s a good substitute for necrophilia?
A: A Jewish woman after she had just had her hair and nails done…
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Q: What’s the difference between a blond and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has taken a ride in a limousine…
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Q: How did Helen Keller break her arm?
A: Trying to read a stop Sign at 40 mph
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Q: What was Helen Keller’s dog’s name?
A: Arrrweeeugree
Q: Why did Helen Keller’s dog kill himself?
A: You would too with a name like Arrrweeeugree
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Q: What were three ways Helen Keller’s parent punished her?
1. Re-arrange all the furniture
2. Leave the plunger in the toilet
3. Put her in a circle room and tell her to find the corner
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Q: How did Helen Keller burn her fingers?
A Trying to read the toaster..
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Q: Why don’t sharks eat Lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
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Q: What do you call 20 young boys at Never Land Ranch?
A: Brunch…
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Q: What do you call a boy who spent the night at Michal Jackson’s house?
A: Defendant # ___
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Q: What do you call a young boy who spent the night at Michael Jackson’s house who didn’t get molested?
A: Luckier than any lottery winner..
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Q: What do you call a little boy who loves to dance ballet?
A: Dancing queen!
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Q: What was the best gift a priest ever gave a young boy who was sexually abused?
A: A new red bicycle.
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Q: What do you call a Mexican boy on a bicycle?
A: A thief.
Q: Why don’t you throw rocks at him?
A: It might be your bicycle…
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Q: What do you call a smart black man?
A: An endangered species
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Q: Why do black guys have such big dicks?
A: They were too poor to have any toys when they were kids.
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Q: How do you fit four gays on a bar stool?
A: Turn it upside down
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Three gay guy were in the hot tub when some cum floated to the top, one gay asks, “Who Farted?”
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Q: how can a gay man tell if his lover is cheating on him?
A: His lover’s dick smells like shit after coming out of a truck stop restroom
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Q: What’s worse than four dead babies in one trash can?
A: One baby in four trash cans.
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A father takes his 8 year old son aside one day and tells him it is about time for the birds and the bees talk, the boy looks up at his father and says, “Sure dad, what do you want to know?”
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Some jokes I have always enjoyed, but are a bit stupid. They are “The book jokes”

Book Title: Behind the Bleachers
Author: Seymour Butts
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Book Title: Over the Cliff
Author: Hugo First
Illustrated by: Betty E Dont
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Book Title: Masturbation myths
Author: Dr. Jack Meoff
Illustrated by: Rosy Palm
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Book Title: 100 feet to the outhouse
Author: Willie E makit
Illustrated by: Betty E Don’t
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These are only jokes so if I have offended anyone, then I know I the jokes were good…
I want to make it clear I am not racist ….. I hate everyone equally…. J/k
No really I’m not racist, how can I be I am a white guy married to a beautiful blond haired black Jewish woman who is from Mexico and we have two beautiful children, even though the cat buries them in the sand box. Naw just kidding the cat doesn’t bury the kids in the sand box, he’s actually too afraid to go anywhere near our children, probably afraid they will try to cook him again in the microwave. And NO! the only extensions my wife uses is on her welfare and unemployment claims.
Hey lighten up if you are offended, Jokes are Jokes, and there is nothing more to them.
 
Two guys and a girl are stranded on a desert island.

After one month the girl becomes ashamed of what is doing and kills herself.

After two months the guys become ashamed of what they are doing and bury her.

After three months the guys become ashamed of what they are doing and dig her back up again.
 
What is pink and has 7 dents?
Snow White's cherry.

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
GHHHHAAAAAGGGGGHHHHKKKKK!!!!
 
What did Hitler say to his men before they got in the tank?








"Get in the fucking tank!"
 
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates.

The first boy came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?" No, take a seat.

The second boy came to the door and said, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?" No, take a seat.

The third boy came to the door and said to the farmer. "Hello, my name is Chuck."

The farmer shot Chuck.
 
Four nuns are standing in line at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned.

“Well, once I looked at a man’s penis,” she said nervously.

“Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven,” Peter told her.

He then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned.

“Well, once I touched a man’s penis,” she replied. “Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven,” he said.

Peter was clearly getting annoyed at how this day was going. He turned back to the line and found the other two nuns beating the crap out of each other. It took a while, but he stopped the fight and asked how it started in the first place.

“Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!” replied one of the nuns.
 
A priest is on duty in the confessional and desperately needs to take a piss. He looks around and finds a young nun and asks her to sit in for him.

Nun: "Is there anything I need to know?"

Priest: "Just listen to whatever their sins are, look it up on this list and give them the penance listed. It's easy! "

So the nun takes over, and it's going according to plan. Ten Hail Mary's here, a Rosary there...

After a while, a girl enters the confessional and says that she has given her boyfriends 5 blowjobs since her last confession. "Blowjob" is not on the sin list, so the nun opens the door to see if anyone is around. She is happy to find an alter boy and asks "What does Father Phil give for blowjobs!?!?!"

"Usually a Snickers bar... but he give me a soda also to wash down the taste!" said the alter boy proudly.
 
A gay walks into a proctologist's office for an appointment. During the exam with the handsome doctor, the gay gets a stiffy and moans a lot.

The doctor is pissed and kicks him out of the office.

Two days later, the gay returns and apologizes. The doctor has his doubts but consents to see him anyway. This exam ends the same way as the last one. Kicked out again...

A few more days pass and the gay returns to the doctors office one more time. The doctor says "NO!", but then is reminded of his oath to help, cure and comfort. He tells the gay that this is the last time... any funny business and he'll call the cops.

On the exam table, the doctor is surprised to actually find a blockage and proceeds to work it loose. It turns out to be a dozen long-stemmed roses, thorns and all... He asks the gay how they could have possibly gotten in there, to which the gay responds

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"READ THE CARD!!!!!!"
 
3 blokes on a camping trip are asleep in a tent together.

In the morning, the bloke on one side says "I had a really vivid dream that I was being tossed off."

"Really?" says the bloke on the other side. "So did I".

The bloke in the middle says "I dreamt that I was skiing"
 
our mate Gary

Gary Glitter's re-releasing his famous single to celebrate his release from prison " I Love, You Love - You're Only Two Love"

What do Gary Glitter and Kodak film have in common?

They both come in little yellow boxes

Gary Glitter was reported to be very unhappy when the in-flight movie screened on his flight from Vietnam was not the version of '3 Men and a Baby' he had in his own personal collection
 
Just a few for a new user, happy to have found this thread. I should mention that yes, I am female. And blonde. And I love both blonde and misogynistic jokes!

Q: Have you heard about the new, low-fat communion wafer?
A: It's called "I Can't Believe It's Not Jesus!"
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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were all sitting at a cafe, talking about their pregnancies. The brunette speaks up, saying, "I'm going to have a boy."
The other two ask, "How do you know?"
"Well, my mum told me that if you're on the bottom, you're going to have a boy."
"Oh, well then," the redhead replies, "that means I'm having a girl!"
About this time, the blonde starts crying horribly. When the two others finally get her calmed down, they ask, "What's wrong, dear?"
"I-i-i-i'm g-g-g-g-onna h-h-have p-pu-pu-puppies!"

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A man walks into a pub and is astonished to see a horse standing in the center of the room with a sign above it's head, saying "Make the horse laugh, £100!" He thinks about it a second, then tells the bartender, "I'd like to take a crack at that." So, he saunters over to the horse and whispers in his ear. Sure enough, that horse is laughing so hard there's tears streaming out of his eyes and he's fallen to his knees. The man collects his money and walks out.
A week or so later, the man returns to the pub to find the horse standing there with a sign above him that says "Make the horse cry, £100!" The man goes over to the bartender, without even ordering his first drink and says, "I'd like to take a crack at that, but first, is it okay if I take 'im 'round back?"
The bartender says, "Ya' won't be harmin' my horse, now, will ya'?"
"Nah, man... It's just that it's kind of a private thing between us." So, the bartender gives his permission for him to lead him out back. He peeks out the window and sure enough, that horse is sobbing his eyes out. After the horse composes himself, the man leads him back inside and goes to collect his money. Just before he turns to walk out, the bartender stops him and asks, "So, what exactly did ya' do, man? I've never seen anything like that in m'life!"
"It was simple," he replied. "To make him laugh, I told him I had a bigger cock than he did. To make him cry, I proved it!"
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[Hang arms out to the side] What do you call this?
A shitty way to spend Easter!
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Why do women have periods?
BECAUSE THEY FUCKIN' DESERVE IT!
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There's a nigger in the road, dead, having been run over by an 18-wheeler. What color is he?
Flat black.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
He was stuck to the pervert!
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How many men does it take to open a beer?
The answer should be none, since she should have opened it before she brought it out...
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How do you give a feminist Freedom of Speech?
Take your dick out her mouth!
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What do you do when the dishwasher stops working?
Smack her across the face!
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I'll have more, one day, when I can brain properly.

Cheers, everyone!
 
Gary rules

That Gary Glitter's a crafty old fucker but, I've found out his plan:

After Vietnam, Thailand, Hong Kong and Thailand again, by the time he gets back to England he'll have earned enough AirMiles for two weeks in Butlins

Following his recent heart scare, Gary Glitter has left instructions in the event of his death...

He wants to be cremated and his ashes put into an etch a sketch, so that kids can still play with him.

Gary Glitter is going straight to rehab...

...to get treatment for his ten-year-old crack habit
 
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