Okay, it's very hard for me to describe this feeling, but it's very real. The reason I say this, is because I had control over it and I could do at will and it would be EXACTLY the same each time.
Basically, starting when I was about 4 years old up until I was about 9 or so, I was such a curious child, not afraid of death, naturally felt a spiritual connection to the world, and in constant awe of the world around us. I realized at some point that when I began looking at an object (any object, for instance, once it was the dresser), my mind would fill with these natural questions of curiosity: "Why is this called a dresser? What is it for? Who made it?" etc...just normal questions, but as the questions would start, they would multiply and get deeper and deeper to a point, where I would go further and further back into some sort of consciousness or awareness. So, soon it began questions of my existence, the sky, and always finally....ALWAYS, the universe. The last image in my head was always of the universe, and BAM---a millisecond feeling of nonexistence...almost as though I was tracing back the origin of life.
I thought this was normal as a child, and I remember joking with my best friend, "Remember when you were young and blah blah..." Until, I realized that no one had any idea what I was talking about. Anyway, the final feeling was EXACTLY the same every time, very bizarre. And I would do it over and over again in this frustrating attempt to feel it for longer so I could understand what it was.
I would look at an object, begin with questions of curiosity, until I would reach this "zen" like state. I could do it in my bed. I could do it while sitting in the back of my parents' station wagon. Made no difference. I had control over it. As I got older I could do it less and less. I would do it purposely just so I wouldn't forget how. But there came a point, when I did forget, and I haven't been able to do it since.
I am now 29 years old, so it's been maybe 20 years. It's a crazy tease of a feeling, and was always super overwhelming. I have been searching for an answer for this my whole life, without much luck.
The closest term I have been able to come to is "Satori", but I'm not really sure if that's what it is...and it didn't exactly feel like Astral Projection. At least, I don't think so. The only conclusion I've been able to come up with, is that it was very real and very precise.
Anyone else have a similar experience?
Basically, starting when I was about 4 years old up until I was about 9 or so, I was such a curious child, not afraid of death, naturally felt a spiritual connection to the world, and in constant awe of the world around us. I realized at some point that when I began looking at an object (any object, for instance, once it was the dresser), my mind would fill with these natural questions of curiosity: "Why is this called a dresser? What is it for? Who made it?" etc...just normal questions, but as the questions would start, they would multiply and get deeper and deeper to a point, where I would go further and further back into some sort of consciousness or awareness. So, soon it began questions of my existence, the sky, and always finally....ALWAYS, the universe. The last image in my head was always of the universe, and BAM---a millisecond feeling of nonexistence...almost as though I was tracing back the origin of life.
I thought this was normal as a child, and I remember joking with my best friend, "Remember when you were young and blah blah..." Until, I realized that no one had any idea what I was talking about. Anyway, the final feeling was EXACTLY the same every time, very bizarre. And I would do it over and over again in this frustrating attempt to feel it for longer so I could understand what it was.
I would look at an object, begin with questions of curiosity, until I would reach this "zen" like state. I could do it in my bed. I could do it while sitting in the back of my parents' station wagon. Made no difference. I had control over it. As I got older I could do it less and less. I would do it purposely just so I wouldn't forget how. But there came a point, when I did forget, and I haven't been able to do it since.
I am now 29 years old, so it's been maybe 20 years. It's a crazy tease of a feeling, and was always super overwhelming. I have been searching for an answer for this my whole life, without much luck.
The closest term I have been able to come to is "Satori", but I'm not really sure if that's what it is...and it didn't exactly feel like Astral Projection. At least, I don't think so. The only conclusion I've been able to come up with, is that it was very real and very precise.
Anyone else have a similar experience?