Spanking - the poll

[James R]

We have two threads currently running on the merits or otherwise of spanking children:

[thread=101106]City revives paddling, see major improvement in behaviour[/thread]
[thread=101178]Spanking your kids: discipline or abuse[/thread]

In both of these we have a lot of theoretical discussion as to whether spanking might be good or bad. Now I'd like to get some real-world data.

What I'd like people to do in the current thread is to answer the following questions:

1. Were you spanked by your own parents? If so, how often?
2. If you have your own children, do you ever spank them? If so, how often and under what circumstances?
3. If you do not currently have children but plan to have them in future, do you plan to spank them? If so, how often and under what circumstances?

In answering, please specify whether (2) or (3) applies to you.

 

[madanthonywayne]

1. Were you spanked by your own parents? If so, how often?

Yes, but rarely. I was a good kid.

2. If you have your own children, do you ever spank them? If so, how often and under what circumstances?

I have spanked them all in the past, but now do so rarely if ever except for my son with Down's Syndrome. Young children respond best to spanking, but as they get older other methods (such as taking away privileges) are more effective.

My 12 year old with Down's is really on more of a 5 or 6 year old level, so spanking is still often the most effective form of discipline for him. Fortunately, I generally only have to threaten to spank him to get him to behave.

A few years ago his teacher wanted to put him on ADHD type medications because he was causing trouble in class. He was locking himself in the bathroom, and sometimes refusing to do his work and instead running around disrupting the class.

I'm very leery of using psychoactive drugs on children and instead told the teacher to simply send a note home whenever he misbehaved. A note was sent home three days in a row and three days in a row he got a spanking as soon as he got home and I saw the note. On the forth day there were no more disruptions in class and he did his work.

Personally, I feel that my method was vastly superior to submitting a child who already suffers from a mental deficiency to the opened ended use of mind altering medications.

 

[superluminal]

I think my mother spanked me once (#2). I spanked my daughter once,and I regret it to this day. The tears and the look of... betrayal? ... from my beautiful girl was more than I could take.

Don't do it.

 

[CutsieMarie89]

1. Were you spanked by your own parents? If so, how often?

I was an unusually well behaved child, so yes but only a few times. I only really remember one time though, so I was obviously very young.

3. If you do not currently have children but plan to have them in future, do you plan to spank them? If so, how often and under what circumstances?

I plan on having children someday, but I can't say what my disciplinary methods will be. It will depend on my child's (or children's) individual personality, what they respond best to and what I think is reasonable. I'm leaving my options open and since I have no ethical or moral issues with spanking, it is included among those options. If I find that it works well for my child then I will, if it doesn't or I don't think it will then I won't.

 

[Asguard]

Yes, but rarely. I was a good kid.
I have spanked them all in the past, but now do so rarely if ever except for my son with Down's Syndrome. Young children respond best to spanking, but as they get older other methods (such as taking away privileges) are more effective.

My 12 year old with Down's is really on more of a 5 or 6 year old level, so spanking is still often the most effective form of discipline for him. Fortunately, I generally only have to threaten to spank him to get him to behave.

A few years ago his teacher wanted to put him on ADHD type medications because he was causing trouble in class. He was locking himself in the bathroom, and sometimes refusing to do his work and instead running around disrupting the class.

I'm very leery of using psychoactive drugs on children and instead told the teacher to simply send a note home whenever he misbehaved. A note was sent home three days in a row and three days in a row he got a spanking as soon as he got home and I saw the note. On the forth day there were no more disruptions in class and he did his work.

Personally, I feel that my method was vastly superior to submitting a child who already suffers from a mental deficiency to the opened ended use of mind altering medications.

translation, its ok to hit people who cant hit back but once they get older and there is a risk of them defending themselves you shouldnt do it for fear YOU might be the one in trouble

 

[siledre]

I don't think getting spanked 10 times as a child is a lot, I don't really remember how many, all us kids got spanked a lot more than 10 times but the 4 of us were a pretty wild bunch and when I think back I think they spanked us out of fear that we were going to end up dead which I'm surprised that we didn't. I have no animosity towards it and in fact it was well deserved. I think there are times when spanking is required but it has to be something that just a talking to will be insufficient for what was done. My parents would usually do something really cool afterwards, punishment was quick and when it was done it was done. they never spanked us in public though or raised their voices.

 

[madanthonywayne]

translation, its OK to hit people who cant hit back but once they get older and there is a risk of them defending themselves you shouldn't do it for fear YOU might be the one in trouble

That is completely asinine. First of all, my ten and eleven year olds who I no longer spank would constitute no threat to me whatsoever. It's about using the most effective method of discipline.

A two year old has no privileges you can take away. I've seen small children in "time out" who obviously didn't even realize they were being punished.

Whereas a harmless smack on the bottom gets the point across immediately.

But older children do have privileges you can take away and taking away said privileges for a week is a far worse (and therefore more effective) punishment than a smack on the bottom.

 

[sifreak21]

We have two threads currently running on the merits or otherwise of spanking children:

[thread=101106]City revives paddling, see major improvement in behaviour[/thread]
[thread=101178]Spanking your kids: discipline or abuse[/thread]

In both of these we have a lot of theoretical discussion as to whether spanking might be good or bad. Now I'd like to get some real-world data.

What I'd like people to do in the current thread is to answer the following questions:

1. Were you spanked by your own parents? If so, how often?
2. If you have your own children, do you ever spank them? If so, how often and under what circumstances?
3. If you do not currently have children but plan to have them in future, do you plan to spank them? If so, how often and under what circumstances?

In answering, please specify whether (2) or (3) applies to you.

thanks for merging the 2 james should get some good debate in here

 

[sifreak21]

translation, its ok to hit people who cant hit back but once they get older and there is a risk of them defending themselves you shouldnt do it for fear YOU might be the one in trouble

spin doctor!! no not the translation he was getting at.. spanking shows "usually as a last resort" athority as i said in my post i was a terrible child. keep mind. my most favorite thing in the world was being outside. SOO when i was "grounded" i couldnt go outside.. that being said parents cant watch the grounded child 100% of the time so when they werent looking i just ran outside i could easily out run them. but when i was spanked i knew the repercutions of my actions were painful so i started to listen and respect them

 

[kira]

1. Were you spanked by your own parents? If so, how often?

Never. Me and my siblings were never spanked.

3. If you do not currently have children but plan to have them in future, do you plan to spank them? If so, how often and under what circumstances?

In answering, please specify whether (2) or (3) applies to you.

When I am able to have my own children, I do not plan to spank them (but I might changed my mind). If they are not discipline, I probably would give them some non-physical penalties, like no TV for tonight, no money for hobbies, not allowed to use bicycle for one month, etc. That's the way I was raised (my dad locked my bicycle for a month for not obeying my mum and I really felt miserable and then always obeyed them).

 

[sifreak21]

When I am able to have my own children, I do not plan to spank them. If they are not discipline, I probably would give them some non-physical penalties, like no TV for tonight, no money for hobbies, not allowed to use bicycle for one month, etc. That's the way I was raised (my dad locked my bicycle for a month for not obeying my mum and I really felt miserable and then always obeyed them).

well as a TERRIBLE child.. i can give some input on this... no tv for a night only works if they value the TV and even then you better keep your eye on them 100% of the time or they can go in a different room and turn a tv on.. no money for hobbies only works if they have a hobby.. if you dont lock the bike up some how they can just go outside finda friends brothers bike and go riding with them.. may have worked in you case but in my case that would have been very easy to get around.. but tbh i liked running to where i had to go more than biking. dont get me wrong bike was great but just got me to my destination a bit faster

 

[kira]

well as a TERRIBLE child.. i can give some input on this... no tv for a night only works if they value the TV and even then you better keep your eye on them 100% of the time or they can go in a different room and turn a tv on.. no money for hobbies only works if they have a hobby.. if you dont lock the bike up some how they can just go outside finda friends brothers bike and go riding with them.. may have worked in you case but in my case that would have been very easy to get around.. but tbh i liked running to where i had to go more than biking. dont get me wrong bike was great but just got me to my destination a bit faster

I mean taking away temporarily the things that they like. If they don't liek TV and I punish them by not allowing them to watch TV, what's the point Children aren't soldiers or criminals, so they should not be treated like ones....

 

[Tiassa]

(Insert Title Here)

I would pick a nit. I was definitely spanked more than ten times, but I don't consider that "quite often". I've let the details slip, though. For instance, I can't tell you how old I was the last time it happened.

I don't spank my daughter. Her mother and I agreed to that at the outset, and informed other people—e.g., our families who might be responsible for her care on occasion. When she was two, I actually explained to Emma Grace that I wouldn't spank her or threaten her with violence. I don't know how much of that she understood or remembers, but it was important to me to make the promise. I've reminded her of it a couple times, so she knows, but I also have to be careful to not lord that point over her like a classic parental guilt-trip.

Her mother has revised her position, and spanked a couple of times. And I'm pretty sure she gave her parents permission under certain circumstances. As we have worked to not get lawyers involved in our broken family, I can't do much to stop it. However, our daughter also knows that's the way it goes. My house, my rules. Mommy's house, Mommy's rules.

Nobody on my side of the family will spank her, though. And even my mother, who wielded the spatula on severe occasions, seems to think this is a better route. Of whatever regrets my parents might have about their own methods, they don't often speak in that context. But it's quite clear Mom is happy to be excused from the responsibility of visiting a violent hand against my daughter. And of my professional friends and associates in relevant fields, none seem to think I should step up the belligerence. Certainly there are occasions it would be easier to just smack her a couple of times, but I believe that's taking a lazy route.

 

[madanthonywayne]

I would pick a nit. I was definitely spanked more than ten times, but I don't consider that "quite often". .

Agreed. I didn't answer the poll because the choices were silly. Ten spankings in your entire life is "quite often"?