!. Why do people allow sex to become some kind of emotional burden? 2. OR... To become so important in a relationship?
1. People do, in fact, allow themselves to believe that sex and emotion are necessarily linked in particular ways, and will argue that this is so based upon his/her own definitions/concepts of what sex or emotion are. Perhaps some would argue more so when the issue becomes clouded by whether or not a partner has previously had sex with someone other than “myself.” The emotions of pride and irrational jealousy come to mind, (as does a conclusion of “futility.” ) Really unclear though in this instance about what previous sexual relationships would have to do with anything, and not willing to make too many assumptions.
Having sex with other people while in an otherwise monogamous relationship can certainly create problems, most related to emotion, but not all. Is this proper? Don’t know nearly enough about the relationship in question, but know that it is improper to have ‘on the side’ relationships if doing so has not be completely agreed upon by both parties. And, typically, people in a healthy relationship don’t feel a strong desire to seek sex elsewhere. There are exceptions to everything, but sound reasoning is still required.
2. Again, sex becomes important in some relationships because of how much importance one or both parties place on that aspect of the relationship. The importance may stem from some kind of emotional value, or having sex may be valuable for other reasons. It depends very much on the individuals. It can also become important in a relationship because of the difference of value placed on having sex by either party. These topics can go deep, with tendrils reaching far.
Cris makes an excellent point: “Balance the intellectual with the physical expectations and communicate.” Until people are willing (and able?) to think more carefully, then these kinds of ”Why does it happen?” questions will never end, nor will the misconceptions that lead to poor decision-making, or the resulting “heartaches.” I would underscore “communication.” This is the key to solving human relationship problems. Takes two to tango.
But why does it happen? It happens because people let it happen. It happens because they don’t understand themselves, others, or even much about the world they live in. Doesn’t mean these people are “bad.” Just means they are as much responsible for the dilemmas they land in as is anyone else, but have somehow failed to grasped that.
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Counterbalance