Polyamory

Y

Yamayama

Registered Senior Member
Polyamory, (poly = many, amour = love, duh)

Polyamory is basically equivalent to the concept of open relationships. It's about having a relationship with more than one person at a time, whether that relationship is on a physical or emotional or whatever level, or on more than one level. Polyamorous groups, from what I gather, come in various flavours, from open marriages to whatever else tickles your fancy.

As someone who has no experience of being in such a relationship whatsoever, and whose libertarian ideals far exceed any reality likely to be attained, I'd just like to hear your opinions please, and if they're based on actual experience, well than all the better.
Is it a viable alternative for many people, or just the odd few?
 
Polyamorous groups, from what I gather, come in various flavours, from open marriages to whatever else tickles your fancy.
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Polyamours groups, from what I gather, come in various flavours running the gamut of the zesty spice of chlamydia to the bitter lemon of herpes.
Its goes from open marriages, aka American Ones on Dr.Phil, to whatever else tickles your fancy or pubic area- as in crabs.

I'm using your own words, Yayama.

Serisouly- polyamarous is just another scapegoat in the lexicon.
Sex-addict with no discipline, Mr. Heffner? You're polyamorus, my boy! Not some diseased slut with no cure.
Your relationships are "open" and "understanding".... not "irresponsible" and as "diseased" as you and the the imbeciles as lacking in self respect that are with you.
 
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Well, I have grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, nephews friends and neighbors so they all have a different emotional bond with me on many levels. What is it exactly that you want to understand? Is it how do I maintain my relationships with these individuals or what?
 
Sorry cosmictraveller, I should have been more specific. No, that isn't what I want to know. By polyamory, in this context, I am referring to, say for example, a girl with two boyfriends, who in turn have two girlfriends etc. - people at ages where a consensual physical relationship is at least a possibility. And I'm also referring to relationships which would be deeper than the casual, superficial/shallow relationships that people would usually have with their neighbours for example.

I'd just like to know if people think that such a situation is:
(i) morally acceptable - I believe it absolutely is, but I want to hear other people's views... I mean like, Christ, if fornication is wrong, advocates of polyamory must be minions of Satan himself.
(ii) actually practible/realisable - alot of people do have relationships in such a context, but would most people consider there to be too many complications/too much awkwardness to try it themselves?

I suspect a slightly irritated tone in your post however (maybe I'm completely wrong), so I'm guessing it's a concept that doesn't gel with your own philosophy.
 
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I see nothing wrong with polyamorous relationships. Only those that are highly religious (mainly christian) or conservative tend to think so. People should be free to do as they choose and how silly does it sound for people to want LESS LOVE in the world?

- N
 
Amen to that neildo,
Here are two quotes on the topic:

(i) "The psychology of adultery has been falsified by conventional morals, which assume, in monogamous countries, that attraction to one person cannot coexist with a serious affection for another." (Bertrand Russell, 'Marriage and Morals', 1929). He then goes on to say that "Everybody knows this is untrue", and while I wouldn't necessarily agree that "Everybody knows", I would argue that "Many who contemplate the matter at leasts suspect".

and in relation to your comment on Christianity:
(ii) "At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven." (NIV, Matthew 22:30) Of course, that this refers to open relationships is just my own bizarre and liberal interpretation, but I challenge anyone to prove that I'm wrong (it's not possible). And no, I don't really care what J.C. says 99 times out of 100 - I mention it merely for the interest of ..well..whoever.

For more resources on this topic, see http://www.lovemore.com or do a google search - there are myriad resources on the topic at this stage. Then, if you feel like it, come back and tell me what you think...politely of course (or else not at all please).
 
Anyone that isn't married or engaged can have as many B/F or G/F as they can afford! It would seem rather dificult to keep up with more than one of any for the costs are rather expensive after awhile I'd think.

You should be honest with whomever you are dating about having other G/F or B/F for hiding the fact that you are seeing another will always lead to problems. Remember what you do the other person should be allowed to do also. You can't expect another person to just go with you if you're seeing someone else behind their backs or even with them knowing about the other relationship.
 
Yes, of course. It would be entirely unreasonable to expect someone to limit themselves to you if you were having relationships with other people. The Mormons do it of course, but I guess that the woman consent, so....
 
Polyamorous people are dead aesthetes with too much spare time and energy.
 
Oh yes, god forbid that people should find the "time and energy" to objectively analyse the social, religious and other crap that has been rammed down their throats from the time they were infants.
So yes, I do have "too much time and energy", but it's not "too much for my or anyone else's good"; it's "too much to allow these nonsense morals be imposed upon myself without my prior analysis".
Oh, and BTW, I find that to be a rather amusing comment coming from someone who has approximately seventy times the amount of posts I have - I mean, are you sure you don't have "too much time and energy" as well? I presume that, in order to feel qualified to make such a statement, you have made a highly valuable contribution to society, or that you are at least on your way to making one! Care to tell us what it is? And don't get me wrong, I'm all for people spending their entire day on sciforums if they want to - it's nice that they can do it (I can't) - I'm merely pointing out the hypocrisy in your own view. And at least this is a slightly challenging topic - the majority of stuff discussed here is pathologically boring, irrelevant shite.
Good day to you!
 
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Ouch, Rosa, so vicious towards these free spirits. Jealous of their spare time and energy? Sinatra, by the way, could be said to be polyamorous. Very much so, in fact. ;)

There are many cultures throughout the world where such customs are mainstream. Among the Bari people of South America for instance, a child may have multiple fathers. The woman gets pregnant by the one man, but the baby is washed by the semen of other fathers, enriching it (cumshowers as someone I know called it.) These other fathers are responsible for the child's well-being once it's born, so this is not about irresponsibilty. They have a saying, I don't recall it specifically, so I'll paraphrase.

During pregnancy a woman gets lusty. It's hard for just one man to satisfy her. Look, all the proof you need is that she gets fat while he gets skinny. More men are good in this way. Keeps her satisfied and will later help with the raising of the child.


There is another people, the Na of Yunnan province in China, where there is no concept of father. The society is a matriarchal society. The children never leave their mother's home. The work force in the fields is brother/sister rather than husband/wife. Now, before you start getting dirty thoughts, it's not about incest. The fathers are wandering lovers. They come into the house for a visit. Spread their seed and leave. They have no responsibility for the children whatsoever. There is not even a word for father in their language.


It's interesting to note, that while we may seem to look upon such things as distasteful. Evolution bears witness to the fact that we have evolved for such things. Comon knowledge that gorillas got tiny balls because they don't need to compete with other males sexually. Chimps have huge balls because they have a highly sexual society. While we are in the middle with medium balls.

Also, women are more likely to become pregnant when cheating on their spouse. Why do you think that is? Hmm?
 
Yam...
Is it a viable alternative for many people, or just the odd few?
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No, it's most definately not a viable alternative for the 'many'. I suggest you read, 'Against Love' by Laura Kipnis. Albeit a Polemic but quite insightful, from a practical sense - Caution: not a book for the almighty....

crap that has been rammed down their throats from the time they were infants.
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Hmmmm. I wonder, are you suggesting the idea of monogamy is just 'crap' rammed down the throats of those unwilling to 'objectively' analize its worth? :D

Don't kid yourself, monogamy has its benefits - reduced risk of ST disease, economic stability, comfort, security........all of which are important factors in life. The moral argument for monogamy, in my opinion, is just one small component of the bigger picture.

It comes down to what people think is importnat in life.

EDIT: Sorry, I got lost while typing.........lost sight of point.

From my experience, open relationships are very superficial.....they have everything to do with personal satisfaction (selfishness) and very little to do with the other person... You tell me, is that a recipe for a long lasting partnership? Afterall, that's what marriage and relationships are: partnerships.
 
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The Bari seem to like it. Their only problems come from christian missionaries coming in and mucking up the system.
 
The Bari seem to like it.
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Gotta be honest Invert, i have no idea who the Bari are.... Although i would guess that they may be a society very unlike ours - judging from the missionaries mucking it up statement....

Don't get me wrong, i'm not arguing for monogamy, really I'm not... i just wanted to point out that there are other reasons why people choose monogamy than just the moral one....
 
me said:
There are many cultures throughout the world where such customs are mainstream. Among the Bari people of South America for instance, a child may have multiple fathers. The woman gets pregnant by the one man, but the baby is washed by the semen of other fathers, enriching it (cumshowers as someone I know called it.) These other fathers are responsible for the child's well-being once it's born, so this is not about irresponsibilty. They have a saying, I don't recall it specifically, so I'll paraphrase.

During pregnancy a woman gets lusty. It's hard for just one man to satisfy her. Look, all the proof you need is that she gets fat while he gets skinny. More men are good in this way. Keeps her satisfied and will later help with the raising of the child.
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The Na seem to enjoy it as well.


Edit: And the south pacific islanders used to have a great time as well. It's true that once westerners enter the picture bringing their diseases with them, things might well need to change. Damn us and our std's. Why are westerners so disease ridden? That's my question.
 
The fathers are wandering lovers. They come into the house for a visit. Spread their seed and leave. They have no responsibility for the children whatsoever. There is not even a word for father in their language.
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I'm not so sure NA women would buy into this practice...... :p
 
Invert,

Not vicious against "these free spirits". I know a few of them, and they are cold intellectuals, completely unreliable in "official matters" (classmates at college who have a lot to say, but when a project comes to be done -- off they are), lie, and they think they can analyze just everything -- while lacking proper expertise.
I'm not sure this is necessary to be "polyamory", but these people certainly have the mentioned qualities in common.
 
You know, someone once told me that Robert Heinlein wrote a book called "Stranger in a Strange Land" about this sort of thing. I read it, and now I wish I could find who recommended it to me and shove the book down his stupid throat. I think polyamory can work, but Heinlein’s book is just an adolescent fantasy about living in a giant orgy. A lot of people once even thought he was an authority on this whole free love lifestyle because of this book! I really don't think it can work in our culture, we have too many preconceptions about who we are supposed to love and how. Probably the number of people who could pull it off without running afoul of all sorts of emotional baggage is minimal... and of course there are always the lechers who would get into those sorts of arrangements and give the whole thing a bad reputation.
 
Stranger in a strange land about polyamorism? Hmm. It's been several years since I've read it, but the essence of the book that I latched on to was the "Thou art god" concept. Was the alien guy bangin' a lot of chick? I know he had the one girl. Don't really remember any orgies or anything like that.

Strange how people can get such vastly different views of the same material. I haven't read the book in about 10 years or more. So, my memory is very cloudy. But, I think I'd remember it if it was just an orgy fantasy.

Didn't he start a religion? Basically a christ story wasn't it? I think the revaluation of morals necessarily played a part, but I wouldn't call it center stage, in my haze recollection.
 
Haha. Its funny what people don't remember. Yes, he started a religion. In this religion they lived communally, had no private possessions, fucked like minks with anyone else in the same religion, because they were all "water brothers" and trusted and loved each other completely, yet requirements for joining up were pretty much if you wandered in off the street, you were in. The whole book was full of such sexual stuff... really it followed a pattern of Heinlein ranting through one of his characters about some issue which he claimed moral preeminence on (i.e. the character Jubal Harshaw declaring that 90% of the time when a woman is raped its her own fault. Don’t you just love Heinlen, that scamp?), and then more guiltless sex between random characters to show how enlightened and in tune with each other his characters are.
 
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