Why do I fear reincarnation.....good question, though most wont understand why, but the answer is simple. LIFE. heh But isnt that the reason why we are reincarnted? I cant say life sucks, but its been real hard. I lost too much and now I have nothing to lose, in a life thats the same ol same ol just a different day. Nothing in this world can make me happy but memories and it brings no happiness. All I live and experience is the bad, seeing the pain from everyday struggles. The good-the good times are in the past nothing but a memory that I cant even see in a dream.
Sadness.... is my curse, the sad calm I experience everyday, wondering if anything will ever change and through it I feel the peace.
Joy is all my forlorned hopes and dreams that wont bring me joy if achieved....
Peace is my only happiness, knowing that when I reap death it will come.
I ask myself dont I want anything in life? NO
and that makes me wonder is life worth livin then? If I had a wish I'd wish for eternal peace before I die and go to ,
That place where I can spend my quiet nights, time to unwind, so much pressure in this life of mine. I cry at times, I once contemplated suicide,and woulda tried but when I held that knife all I can see was my mommas eyes. No one knows my struggle they only see the trouble. Not knowing is hard when no one loves you. Picture me inside the misery of poverty. No man has ever witnessed struggles I've survived praying hard for better days promised to hold on. Will I survive all the fights in the darkness? Trouble sparks they tell me home is where the heart is, dear departed I shed tattoo tears and couldn't sleep good for multiple years witness peers catch gunshots, nobody cares. Is there a way for me to change? Or am I just a victim of things I did to maintain. I need a place to rest my head with the little bit of homeboys that remain, Cause all the rest dead. Is there a spot for us go grow? If ya find it I'll be right behind ya, show me and I'll go. How can I be peaceful? I'm coming from the bottom. Watch my daddy scream peace while the other man shot em I need a house that's full of love when I need to escape the deadly places slanging drugs. And only we can change, it's up to us to clean up the streets. It ain't the same. Too many murders, too many funerals and too many tears. Just seen another brother buried plus I knew him for years. Pass by his family but what could I say? Keep your head up and try to keep the faith. And pray for better dayz. Thinking back as an adolescent. Who would have guessed, that in my future years I'd be stressing. Some say the ghetto's sick and corrupted Plus my P.O. won't let me hang with the brothers I grew up with. Trying to keep my head up and stay strong. All my homies slanging yayo all day long. But they wrong, so I'm solo (so low) and so broke. Saving up for some Jordan's, cause they dope. I got a girl and I love her but she broke too, And so am I, I can't take her to the play she wanna go to. So we argue and playfight, all day and night. Making passionate love till the day light. Plus we bout to get evicted, can't pay the rent, Guess it's time to see who really is your friend. She tell me she pregnant and I'm amazed. So many blessings while we stressing Looking for them better dayz.
Can't close my eyes cause all I see is terror. I hate the man in the mirror Cause his reflection makes the pain turn realer. Times of Armageddon, Murder in mass amounts. In this society where only getting the cash counts. I started out as a beginner, Entered the criminal lifestyle became a sinner. I make my money and vacate, evade prison. Went from the chosen one to outcast, unforgiven. And all the Hennessey and weed can't hide the pain I feel inside. You know It's like I'm living just to die. I fall on my knees and beg for mercy. Not knowing if I'm worthy, Living life thinking no man can hurt me. So I'm asking before I lay me down to sleep before you judge me, look at all the shit you did to me. My misery I rose up from the slums. Made it out the flames searching for peace even though I'm insane. Will I change? Shedding tears, Reminiscing on my past fears. Cause shit was hectic for me last year. It appears, that I've been marked for death. My heartless breath. The underlying cause of my arrest. My life is stressed And no rest, forever weary my eyes stay teary for all the brothers that are buried in the cemetery, Shit is scary. Life in the pin ain't for me, cause I'd rather die. But I try not to cry through my despair. I wonder if the Lord still cares for people on welfare And who cares if we survive? The only time they notice a low life is when he's clutchin on a four-five. Fearing jail, but crack sales got me livin' well. In a sense I'm suicidal with this thug's life. Staying strapped forever trapped in this drug life. God help me, cause I'm starvin, can't get a job. So I resort to violent robbings, my life is hard. Can't sleep, cause all the dirt make my heart hurt. Put in work, and shed tears for my dead peers. Mislead from childhood where I went astray Till this day, I still pray for a better way Can't help but feel hopeless and heart broke. And I can't help but wonder whhyy So many young kids had to die, caught strays from AK's in a driveby. Swollen pride and homicide, don't coincide. Brothers cried for broken lives, mama come inside, Cause our block is filled with danger. Used to be a close knit community but now we're all total strangers. Time changes dust to stone, them crack pipes, all up and down the block exterminating black life. But I can't blame the dealers. My mama's welfare check, just bought the next man chrome wheels Shit's real, I know ya feel, my tragedy. A single mother with a problem child, daddy free Hanging out pickin up game, sippin cheap liquor Gamin the hoochies hoping I can get to sleep with herrr. It's a man's world, staying strapped Fantasies of a man livin phat, but held back. Pipe dreams can make the night seem hopeless. Wide eyed and I'm losing focus.
Who do you believe in? I put my faith in God Blessed and still breathing, And even though it's hard. That's who I believe in Before I'm leaving I'm asking the grieving. Who do you believe in?
