Opinions Please...

O

OverTheStars

Registered Senior Member
I have been living with my aunt on my mother's side for the past ten years. My mother is out of the picture, and my father has finally paid all the the child support he owed over the years, $25,000. My aunt signed up for Temporary cash assistance, so they took some of the money, more than they should have. But that's not the point.
Anyway, we were left with $5,000. My whole life, I have worn hand-me-downs given to us from the church. The newest clothes I have gotten were things from k-mart. My aunt would take me there when she gets money. Sometimes people would take me shopping for an outfit because they viewed me as a "charity case".
So, when I found out about the money, I was super excited. I could actually shop at THE MALL! I could get brand new books for myself, and more than I have ever gotten in my life for myself. I made a list of all the things I would get from Victoria's Secret.
My aunt only gave me $500. She spent the money on her bills and to all the people she owed money to. She also spent money Christmas shopping for her grandchildren, and herself.
How am I supposed to buy a new wardrobe and Christmas shop for my family and friends with only $500?! I told that to my aunt, and she said I was lucky for getting that much.
I have always been a good kid, I have never rolled my eyes, talked back, or raised my voice. I accept my punishments, I don't do drugs.
What the hell! Is this right? Can someone give me their opinion on this?
 
So she took you in and raised you at, what you seem to describe, considerable financial burden to herself, and you begrudge her? The nerve of her, paying her bills and what she owes to others before giving you some cash to do a bit of discretionary spending! Your aunt is right that you are lucky. There are many people in the world who will do without any money this "holiday" season. How are you supposed to buy a new wardrobe and presents? Be frugal - I would think frugality would be a lessoned learned by now. Why do you need a new wardrobe? Why do you need to buy gifts for friends? If the holiday means anything to you, you should understand it's not about material things.

Be thankful someone cared about you enough to take care of you.

:m: Peace.
 
All these years, she begged my father for money, saying things like,"Your daughter has done without for too long," or "She needs new shoes, she has holes in them." And then when she gets the money, she spends it almost all on herself and her children and grandchildren. When she does get extra money from work or the church, she spends it on cosmetics and candles. She's taken my own checks, signed them, and used them for herself. I should have added that part.
When people ask me about this situation, I do tell them that she has raised me all these years. But now I'm starting to realize how cheap she really is. One time, she took one of my checks and spent it on expensive cosmetics. When I found out about it, she told me she got me something too. When the package arrived, she gave me one of those little plastic packets that you squeeze lotion or shampoo out.
The reason I want to buy things for my family and friends is because I want to repay them from all the times they went out and took me shopping for a new pair of shoes and so on. Really, what's the problem with wanting to buy clothes that fit me, and arent 10 or 20 years old? It isn't useless spending. All the money should go to me, in my opinion. It is child support. She buys enough groceries for one person, and when it comes to water and electric, that isn't even a problem. I spend most of my time over someone elses home. I know most parents use child support money on water, electric and groceries, then needed things for the kids. But when it comes to water, electric and food, I'm not even a burden.
 
From where I sit, and I could be wrong, I get the impression that you did not want the answer I gave. So now elements are added to the story to swing the reader's empathy towards the answer that you want to hear (all the money should go to you). I still maintain that you need not buy anything to "repay" others for helping you. They did so without expecting compensation and thanking them with a card or note will have the same, if not more, impact than a trinket. If not, they are not worthy of being your friend in the first place.

As far as buying clothes, no one said it was useless. No one said you should not have clothes that fit. What you should do is re-examine your needs versus your wants, and pare down that list of "all the things I would get from Victoria's Secret". You can get perfectly good undergarments from a store that does not charge specialty prices.

:m: Peace.
 
I say that she's a greedy twat. Your aunt. Not you. While you may be a bit overboard making your shopping list at Victoria's Secrets, her spending that money on christmas gifts for herself and for others is ridiculous. The truth is that while you must have been something of a burden to her over the years, she was also getting assistance for that burden from the state, church, and friends.


Goofy,

She may have needed to qualify certain remarks but that doesn't indicate a change in her stance. It just means that you obviously didn't get the point. I didn't need to read her second post to know exactly where she was coming from. I've seen this all before. Greed and selfishness in caregivers.

I think your advice on frugality would be a lesson well learned, but look at her situation. Is her aunt being frugal with her money? If OverTheStars is such a horrible burden on her then why isn't the money being saved to ease the future burden instead of being blown on christmas for the grandkids?



Basically, the situation is crap. But what can you do? Sue her? Doubt it. And the cost would be far more than the reward even if you should win against all hope.

Suck it up, you'll be free soon. It's a shame your father didn't hold out a few more years on his child support. You should chastise him. And, that's something else I would do. Let him know how your aunt is spending the money.
 
I did ask for opinions, but damn right I didn't like that answer.

"So she took you in and raised you at, what you seem to describe, considerable financial burden to herself, and you begrudge her? The nerve of her, paying her bills and what she owes to others before giving you some cash to do a bit of discretionary spending! Your aunt is right that you are lucky."

I should have given all of the details before posting. I'm not at all a financial burden to her, she gets extra money from the state just because I'm living under her roof. She's not only spending money on her bills and what she owes to this person and that person, but she spends it on herslef! She hasn't taken me to go school shopping since I was 13! I really think I deserve to actually go out shopping and "splurge". My whole life I had to pick and choose between Salvation Army and Kmart.
When I got a job, I was excited about getting my first paycheck. Then she pulled me aside saying I should help out since I'm living there. I figured she meant I had to buy my own shampoo, soap, groceries and so on. She's using my money to pay off her bills, debts and cosmetics! She goes to those Mary-Kay, Avon and Arbonne parties, and buys things she can't afford. She borrows money from the hostess of the party to buy things, and then uses my money to pay them back.
When I talked to her about moving out, she got really upset. I thinks she wants me there so the state continues to pay her.
I hardly ever ask her for money to go shopping with, and when I do, she gives me a freakishly cheap amount of money.
I guess a better question I'm asking is not "opinions" but "advice" on how to talk to her about this, and what to do. I had someone suggest that I should tell my father what she's doing with the money. But I'm sick of family disputes.
 
Well, there's no way this is going to get solved without some type of dispute. Count on that.

Advice? Move out. If it is within your means then move on out that door and let her go fuck herself. You're right, in my opinion. She wants the money to keep rolling in and she dreads the day that you leave her house. Do her and yourself a favor and leave early. Make her adapt to living within her own means. A pity it wasn't done before the check came in. But, spilled milk and all that.

Move out. At the very least, maybe it will force her to examine her decision about the 5 grand. Maybe she'll give you a bigger cut and not spend the rest so selfishly if she realizes that she might be on the verge of losing her cash cow.

Other than that, I can only suggest honesty and directness. Nothing's going to be done by beating around the bush. Guarantee you that.
 
OverTheStars said:
I did ask for opinions, but damn right I didn't like that answer... I should have given all of the details before posting.
Click to expand...

Yah. Incomplete information results in insufficient
answers. We can both try a litle bit harder next time.

:) Peace.
 
this type of stuff burns my a$$, I pay child support on my daughter and my ex-wife refuses to spend the money on her, she has even went as far as to spend the money on her new hubbys truck. the really sad thing is she doesn't even want our daughter around but refuses to give her to me to raise because she knows its the only thing that bugs me. people just really such.

as far as your aunt is concerned thats just not right might try talking to a lawyer remember alot of times you can get a consult for free, just give a fee a call and see what you can do if thats the route you wanna go, or call child enforcement and explain it to them and see what they could do, like maybe stop payment on that check and reissue you a check never know there is always options
 
Yeah the situation sucks. Unless I missed it you did not mention how old you are, which does affect some of your options. I'd say you need to be figuring out how to get out of that situation and be able to support yourself. Try not to get hung up in bitterness toward her because that is a no-win situation, it takes your energy and there is really no resolution.

I read a lot of frustration in your remarks, my advice is not to let this crush your spirit - but get out and move on ASAP. Definitely don't let guilt affect your decision, I read in this that your aunt is manipulating your emotions to hold you there. Get out, sooner the better. Unless you are talking about a large sum of monmey I would not advise going down the legal path. What you would pay in emotional cost would greatly exceed what you would hope to gain.

My opinion based on what little I have heard.
 
cardiovascular_tech said:
she doesn't even want our daughter around but refuses to give her to me to raise because she knows its the only thing that bugs me. people just really such.
Click to expand...

Been there done that. So sad that someone would use a child like a pawn in a game. Truly pathetic, but my ex did the same thing.
 
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