I've been depressed about something about as long as I can remember. Or perhaps confused is a better word. Regardless, it wasn't till I was 13 that I finally found my escape. At the age of 13 I took up reading politics and philosophy (and, to a far lesser extent, psychology), bought my first electric guitar, had my first real relationship with a girl, tried drugs, discovered Classic Rock beyond what my parents had played for me (thank you Napster), saw the wonders of France, Germany and Austria and started shinny hockey every day of the week. And do you know what, out of all those things, gave me the best experience? Of course you do - the hockey.
For those of you that don't know, shinny is outdoor hockey. Let me paint a little picture. As you approach the entrance to the change room, the arena is situated between a junior high school and my current high school Lawrence Park. At 13 Lawrence Park is a distant future (2 years away to be exact) in my schooling and, to me, holds much the same prestige as a University does in my mind now. It's late November and only about two feet of snow has fallen. Though, as it has piled up on the sides of streets, it looks to be much higher. There's a long poorly paved road leading down to the dressing rooms and enough room for 3 cars to park behind the room. As you walk to the front of the dressing rooms (the back door is locked so to get into the rooms you need to enter the doors which face the rinks) you see one rink with about 40 parents and their kids pleasure skating, the boards and on the opposite side the quick movement of a pick-up game. The first day of every year that I arrive after shinny starts I'm forced to stand for a second and watch for some reason. Enter the dressing rooms and it's poorly built concrete room with wood benches around the outside and one in the middle for people to do their skates up and change and leave all their boots and clothes in while they skate. Walk over to the hockey rink and if it's day time you get the effect of warm weather with a bright sun and a frozen rink. If it's night time you can see the artificial light beaming down on the rink as every type of economic situation, every type of person, every type of job or schoolign and every level of ability joins together to play.
My moment of perfection comes about 20 minutes into a game. After I score a goal (which if it hasn't happened by 20 minutes it better damn well happen soon!) and I turn around to teammates who I've never met before coming up and commenting and patting me on the back. Usually I have a hockey jersey on either from my dads old playing days or my own small collection of jerseys with a sweater and t-shirt underneath. For the first 4 minutes I have my mom-required headband and gloves on and afterwards just my hockey gloves. I turn around and the night air hits my face and I can see my breathe and I realize just how perfect everything is. In the winter I'm fortunate, I can generally get this feeling every 2-3 days. I'm 16 and after 3 years of playing every day possible (Christmas and New Years Eve and New Years Day they shut down the hockey rink and make it two pleasure skating rinks - bastards!) I still take just as much wonder from it. I've had deeper feelings for people, experienced death close to myself, had awards and trophies given to me, experienced the unthinkable highs of going on an 22 game winning streak in hockey and still nothing comes close to that moment.
So I'm curious...anyone else have a time or place where they get this feeling; this moment of perfection?
For those of you that don't know, shinny is outdoor hockey. Let me paint a little picture. As you approach the entrance to the change room, the arena is situated between a junior high school and my current high school Lawrence Park. At 13 Lawrence Park is a distant future (2 years away to be exact) in my schooling and, to me, holds much the same prestige as a University does in my mind now. It's late November and only about two feet of snow has fallen. Though, as it has piled up on the sides of streets, it looks to be much higher. There's a long poorly paved road leading down to the dressing rooms and enough room for 3 cars to park behind the room. As you walk to the front of the dressing rooms (the back door is locked so to get into the rooms you need to enter the doors which face the rinks) you see one rink with about 40 parents and their kids pleasure skating, the boards and on the opposite side the quick movement of a pick-up game. The first day of every year that I arrive after shinny starts I'm forced to stand for a second and watch for some reason. Enter the dressing rooms and it's poorly built concrete room with wood benches around the outside and one in the middle for people to do their skates up and change and leave all their boots and clothes in while they skate. Walk over to the hockey rink and if it's day time you get the effect of warm weather with a bright sun and a frozen rink. If it's night time you can see the artificial light beaming down on the rink as every type of economic situation, every type of person, every type of job or schoolign and every level of ability joins together to play.
My moment of perfection comes about 20 minutes into a game. After I score a goal (which if it hasn't happened by 20 minutes it better damn well happen soon!) and I turn around to teammates who I've never met before coming up and commenting and patting me on the back. Usually I have a hockey jersey on either from my dads old playing days or my own small collection of jerseys with a sweater and t-shirt underneath. For the first 4 minutes I have my mom-required headband and gloves on and afterwards just my hockey gloves. I turn around and the night air hits my face and I can see my breathe and I realize just how perfect everything is. In the winter I'm fortunate, I can generally get this feeling every 2-3 days. I'm 16 and after 3 years of playing every day possible (Christmas and New Years Eve and New Years Day they shut down the hockey rink and make it two pleasure skating rinks - bastards!) I still take just as much wonder from it. I've had deeper feelings for people, experienced death close to myself, had awards and trophies given to me, experienced the unthinkable highs of going on an 22 game winning streak in hockey and still nothing comes close to that moment.
So I'm curious...anyone else have a time or place where they get this feeling; this moment of perfection?