Gusev Crater (MPI) - A spokesthing for Mars Air Force denounced as
false rumors that an alien space craft crashed in the desert, outside
of Ares Vallis on Saturday. Appearing at a press conference today,
General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that "the object was, in fact, a
harmless high-altitude weather balloon, not an alien spacecraft".
The story broke late Saturday night when a major stationed at nearby
Ares Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Gusev Crater Daily Record
with a story about a strange, balloon-shaped object which allegedly
came down in the nearby desert, "bouncing" several times before
coming to a stop, and "deflating in a sudden explosion of alien
gases." Minutes later, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted the Daily
Record telepathically to contradict the earlier report.
General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that hysterical stories of a
detachable vehicle roaming across the Martian desert were blatant
fiction, provoked by incidences involving swamp gas. But the general
public has been slow to accept the Air Force's explanation of recent
events, preferring to speculate on the "other-worldly" nature of the
crash debris. Conspiracy theorists have condemned Rgrmrmy's
statements as evidence of "an obvious government cover-up," pointing
out that Mars has no swamps. They point to the release of secret
government memos detailing attempts to discredit reports of the
landings by alien space craft.
The memos discuss stategies to avoid troubles similar to those caused
by the War of the Worlds radio program of years ago. The program,
which featured a sensational story of gigantic oxygen breathing two-
eyed invaders from Earth, sparked planet wide panic.
Local residents like Driv Rhodo, who lives in the area of the alleged
landings, are even more sceptical. "I seen it with my own 5 eyes"
claimed Rhodo last week. "I've lived here over 300 years, most of my
adult life-form. Them things used to be few and far between but
lately they come in every few years or so. The government wants to
bury the truth but I can tell you what's real. The Earthlings are
going to invade and the government is spending our hard earned tax
dollars on press releases and denials instead of preparing for the
battle to come." A spokesthing denied any government involvement in
the disappearance of Rhodo, who has not been seen since shortly after
the interview, claiming "Any sentient being knows that a planet with
the concentrations of water and oxygen found on Earth is a deadly and
inhospitable environment for the formation of life, much less
intelligent life. The fear and consternation caused by the unfounded
and wild speculations of citizens like Rhodo are a traitorous
disservice to the citizens of Mars."
Author unknown
false rumors that an alien space craft crashed in the desert, outside
of Ares Vallis on Saturday. Appearing at a press conference today,
General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that "the object was, in fact, a
harmless high-altitude weather balloon, not an alien spacecraft".
The story broke late Saturday night when a major stationed at nearby
Ares Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Gusev Crater Daily Record
with a story about a strange, balloon-shaped object which allegedly
came down in the nearby desert, "bouncing" several times before
coming to a stop, and "deflating in a sudden explosion of alien
gases." Minutes later, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted the Daily
Record telepathically to contradict the earlier report.
General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that hysterical stories of a
detachable vehicle roaming across the Martian desert were blatant
fiction, provoked by incidences involving swamp gas. But the general
public has been slow to accept the Air Force's explanation of recent
events, preferring to speculate on the "other-worldly" nature of the
crash debris. Conspiracy theorists have condemned Rgrmrmy's
statements as evidence of "an obvious government cover-up," pointing
out that Mars has no swamps. They point to the release of secret
government memos detailing attempts to discredit reports of the
landings by alien space craft.
The memos discuss stategies to avoid troubles similar to those caused
by the War of the Worlds radio program of years ago. The program,
which featured a sensational story of gigantic oxygen breathing two-
eyed invaders from Earth, sparked planet wide panic.
Local residents like Driv Rhodo, who lives in the area of the alleged
landings, are even more sceptical. "I seen it with my own 5 eyes"
claimed Rhodo last week. "I've lived here over 300 years, most of my
adult life-form. Them things used to be few and far between but
lately they come in every few years or so. The government wants to
bury the truth but I can tell you what's real. The Earthlings are
going to invade and the government is spending our hard earned tax
dollars on press releases and denials instead of preparing for the
battle to come." A spokesthing denied any government involvement in
the disappearance of Rhodo, who has not been seen since shortly after
the interview, claiming "Any sentient being knows that a planet with
the concentrations of water and oxygen found on Earth is a deadly and
inhospitable environment for the formation of life, much less
intelligent life. The fear and consternation caused by the unfounded
and wild speculations of citizens like Rhodo are a traitorous
disservice to the citizens of Mars."
Author unknown
Last edited:
