If you met the person of your dreams "soulmate" but circumstances were wrong for you both to be together how would this affect any other potential relationships you have to come afterwards??
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Love and emotional unavailability...
- Thread starter BrianHarwarespecialist
- Start date
Is love an illusion? Or is it the only thing that is real?
Romantic movies & movies are often unrealistic.
Love and good relationships do not happen: They grow or evolve.
Lust can happen at first sight & later result in a love relationship, but love at first sight is interesting fiction.
BTW: My teenage years occurred in an era when dating did not occur prior to high school, typically not prior to age 13.
I attended a coed boarding school for grades 9-12 in 1943-1947. Two of my classmates started dating in the first week of their freshman year. They married after graduation & went to the same college. They stayed married for the rest of their lives. I am not sure if both are still living as of June 2015
Classmates & I have often wondered on alumni day if they stayed together all those years because they lucked into a long term good relationship or because neither was willing to try to cope with developing new relationships.
When friends of mine were concerned relating to steady relationships involving teenage children, I always gave the following advice.
Love and good relationships do not happen: They grow or evolve.
Lust can happen at first sight & later result in a love relationship, but love at first sight is interesting fiction.
BTW: My teenage years occurred in an era when dating did not occur prior to high school, typically not prior to age 13.
I attended a coed boarding school for grades 9-12 in 1943-1947. Two of my classmates started dating in the first week of their freshman year. They married after graduation & went to the same college. They stayed married for the rest of their lives. I am not sure if both are still living as of June 2015
Classmates & I have often wondered on alumni day if they stayed together all those years because they lucked into a long term good relationship or because neither was willing to try to cope with developing new relationships.
Dealing with the singles scene is often a bit scary for some folks, especially if an early steady relationship has prevented much experience..
When friends of mine were concerned relating to steady relationships involving teenage children, I always gave the following advice.
BTW: The standard reaction of parents is very likely to invoke teenage rebellion which is always there as children grow toward adulthood.
These opinions of yours is really confirming my suspicions I believe I can make the divorce rate go down but I still can't help individuals like myself that are emotionally unavailable...
Sorta like backwards time travel.
Sorta like backwards time travel.
I believe we all have millions of soulmates. All that needs to happen is when you 2 meet you both have to be in a position to accept each other. If you are not ready then it can happen with the next solmate you meet. The point is, and this is vital, don't give up.
No, it is not an illusion and it is not the ONLY real thing.
I met my soul mate Jenny the meerkat but laws prevented our marriage perhaps they will allow marrying animals soon.
Am so curious as to how my social experiment will work lets see if I can bring down the divorce rate!
Fraggle Rocker
Staff member
Two people must spend a considerable amount of time together before either one can say with any hope of accuracy that the other one is his or her soul mate.
I can't imagine this happening if the other person doesn't also feel the same way, or at least notices him/herself heading in that direction.
As for "wrong circumstances" for them to "be together," you'll have to be a little more specific. If you're talking about a married person falling in love with someone other than his/her spouse, that's probably the most common scenario for this, at least in Euro-American society. The only advice I can give that person is to figure out what's wrong with his home life and try to repair it. If they can't fix it, then a divorce is rather easily arranged in our society.
So this is probably not what you're referring to. Are you talking about a society with taboos, e.g., not allowing people of different castes, nationalities, ethnic groups, etc., to marry? I've spent my whole life in the USA so I have no experience with that and therefore cannot offer advice.
If you're talking about being gay and falling in love with a person of the same biological gender who happens not to be gay, well then I don't know what to say except you have my sincere sympathy. Ditto for not being gay and falling in love with someone who is.
If you're talking about falling in love with someone who is not yet an adult, so encouraging him/her into a romantic relationship could result in going to prison--or being shot by an angry parent... then all I can tell you is to be patient and see if the relationship still works in a couple of years when it's legal.
As I said, it would be a lot more productive to not have to discuss this in the abstract. Can you give us a little information about the other person, the relationship and the circumstances?
The worst thing that ever happened to me romantically was for the lady to die before we even had a chance to establish the relationship. Second worse was for the lady to marry me, and then start dating another man whom she eventually ran off with.
Geez that's really sad my situation mine never got as bad as the person dying, i will explain my situation in a bit it was none of the above.Fraggle Rocker said:
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Ok my situation is something like love at first sight but the women I met just turned out to be really good friends with another girl that had a big crush on me for years and they both were there the same night, it was so awkward while I was chatting with the girl of my dreams I never thought could exist her friend kept on looking at us so akward and to top it off right when I was going to ask for her number the bouncers and the promoter made haste to evacuate the place because I think someone had a gun and was about to shoot someone else there was a scufle with the guards and some other people ,just my luck it killed the moment I felt the moment die it was so strange. Then obviously everyone ran outside this great night of a lifetime was ruined just like that I couldn't find her afterwards and the only contact I had with her well you know her really good friend that I would assume did not want me to talk to her in the first place. I was never even going to go to that party in the first place some one forced me to go it was like a movie, amongst many highly attractive young ladies she some how stood out and these women were probably some of the most attractive ladies I could have ever seen. The best part was her looks was the least important part of the attraction becuase as time went on I did meet two or three other women I was just as physically attracted to but the spiritual part sadly did not exist. That was 8 years ago when I was in my youth. The worst part about it is 8 years later and I am still not able to feel that way about anyone else if I could then I would get married that is why I am not married I feel it would be unfair for me to marry someone for the wrong reasons like just because they may be really beautiful or offer me money which happened before I of course declined the offers. So it sucks because I can't feel anything am probably just going to get married for the wrong reasons but hey I could look at the bright side I won't be living forever eventually I will die and it all will be over with so why complain it's hardly a need just a selfish want like many have.
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Fraggle Rocker
Staff member
First, as the Moderator of Linguistics, I urge you to become more familiar with the key below the L on your keyboard: it's called the "period."
It's very difficult to read a sentence that's five lines long.
It takes time for love to bloom and mature. Anything you feel for a person on first meeting is not love, but just interest or infatuation. You know so little about her that your mind is filling in all the blanks, expanding her into a person who may very well have only one percent of her reality in common with the real woman. This is a dangerous way to begin a relationship.
We men are always attracted to beautiful women. But we have to keep in mind that beauty is only skin-deep, as some famous author wrote many centuries ago.
There is no such thing as a "spiritual" connection with someone you barely know.
You're not being fair to yourself, by blocking out all possibility of a happy future because of a fantasy that happened eight years ago. You should get some counseling.
Please don't do that. Not only will you be harming yourself, but you will be harming an innocent woman who deserves a better life than the one you're going to give her.
As I said, you desperately need counseling. You've gotten your life headed in the wrong direction and it will only get worse, especially if you invite another person to share your life. Please get some professional help!
I guess I could become quite cynical.
Fraggle I can't help that I dont feel anything, I have accepted my faith, it's so strange I just know when a women is going go start liking me but I pretend I don't know. Then eventually they tell me it sucks because my technique to stop them from liking me is to not let them get to know me on a personal level, but once they do it never fails they always end up liking me. I started hanging out with lesbians and the same thing still happens I just wish the women that start liking me that they were the one. It's ok life is not perfect am too old now I guess I may eventually settle like most people do, if they are willing to admit that or not. But don't blame me it's not my fault if I could change how I felt I would. I agree with spider, what he said. People think they know it all yet the divorce rate keeps going up plus everybody seems to keep getting into fraud relationships for the wrong reasons why would that make me any different or worse than all the rest?? Most people commit infidelity wheater they lie about it or not most won't admit this they will take it to thier grave but I blame society for teaching people to be frauds just to fit in and get accepted that is where it all starts.
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The person of your dreams, is just that; they are a dream. The unconscious mind, through firmware connected to romantic love, will project onto reality, adding overlay features and feeling to the beloved, that are in more in the mind of the dreamer, than of the reality of the beloved.
The firmware projector is why, when people fall in love, many wake up one day wake up and think the other person has changed. The other is still the same, but the first person never saw their reality, until they woke from the dream and saw this was now not the same. All their friends saw this, very early, because they did not have the dream maker active to cloud their mind with love.
If you met your soul mate; girl of your dreams, but circumstances don't allow you to connect, this can result in the dream perpetuating, since there will never be a reality check. The dream can be reinforced, by choice, because it can generate internal feelings, with one falling in love with their own soul; projector of the movie. It can then be hard to find love outside in reality, when one is faithful to a love that is inside. The outside will not have enough access to the dream maker to smooth the rough edges of any reality person.
The firmware projector is why, when people fall in love, many wake up one day wake up and think the other person has changed. The other is still the same, but the first person never saw their reality, until they woke from the dream and saw this was now not the same. All their friends saw this, very early, because they did not have the dream maker active to cloud their mind with love.
If you met your soul mate; girl of your dreams, but circumstances don't allow you to connect, this can result in the dream perpetuating, since there will never be a reality check. The dream can be reinforced, by choice, because it can generate internal feelings, with one falling in love with their own soul; projector of the movie. It can then be hard to find love outside in reality, when one is faithful to a love that is inside. The outside will not have enough access to the dream maker to smooth the rough edges of any reality person.
Fraggle Rocker
Staff member
Huh??? You started this thread by telling us that you had met the person of your dreams. You even called her (him?) your "soulmate," which is an extremely powerful word for an extremely powerful feeling.
If you were able to "feel anything" for that person, what makes you think it will never happen again? People who spend their entire lives pining for a lost love exist only in literature. It doesn't happen in real life!
So, how can you now say that you don't feel anything???
Yes, frustrated love never goes away, but it does attenuate slowly. I still miss the sweet lady I told you about who died, but I fell in love and got happily married twice since that happened.
I'm 71 and I just got married (for the third time) last year. I didn't have to "settle" for anybody or anything. My wife is a dream come true.
You even called her (him?)
No there is no him she is my spiritual companion.
No there is no him she is my spiritual companion.
It's not about her it's about how her presence motivated my feelings what we all live for is inspiration not matter the source.