Lord Satan: Imbecilic Plot Device

S

Sin

Registered Senior Member
So I was chatting it up with Satan last night-such a blabber mouth!- and He was telling me about how he landed his sweet gig as the Prince of Darkness, Lord of the Underworld. It went something like this:

Well, God created me along with the other angels, you know? Well after witnessing God, a being of who no greater thing can be conceived, it occurred to me that I could definitely be greater than God. So convinced was I and so vast my powers of rhetoric that I convinced my divine peers of my case to conquer an omnipotent being. So far so good: I have my legion, the big guy has his and we were about to engage in epic combat! Then God was all like "Oh dear, this is mighty lame of you Lucifer, tell you what, you are my arch enemy and shall be leaving heaven but I've accommodated you nicely with this place I just thought into existence."

In essence, Satan is a most heinous plot device. He is arguably the most pathetic imbecile imaginable. First he is able to find feelings of jealousy and superiority somewhere in a perfect heaven created by God himself. Then these ideas take root in his hebetudinous little mind and after experiencing God firsthand, these ideas take the form of a campaign to posit himself as superior to the being who is supremely perfect and who created him. This whole concept of a battle for God to overcome forgets the fact that He is omnipotent- all power that exists is concentrated within himself only. Thus anything that might present itself in opposition of God in any form, is a farce. The work of Satan is the work of God by proxy. This and other equally senseless and conceptually contradictory examples from the bible divulges this book as a blatant emotive tool for the enticing of the less skeptical minds. What are your thoughts on the matter? Am I wrong? Where? Thank you all.
 
Satan was drunk when he tried to pull that stunt, cut him some slack. Think of it as a sort of Beer Hall Putsch, but the beer was poured from golden taps and served by topless angels.
 
Yeah, another ironic bit of this story is now-a-days Satan is really the better of the two beings. Satan is the one who wanted man to have free will - like other intelligent beings in existence. Prior to that, humans were automatons. Slaves. Pets even?
(I wonder how it happened? I mean, was it an additional level of complexity in our cerebral cortex? How does a human go from being an automaton to having free will?)

That aside, yes, the story is silly.
 
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created Burger King, and Burger King brought forth the $3.20 double-Whopper, and Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?", and Man said, "Super size them."

And Man gained pounds.
 
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families.

Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?" The man says, "Yep, sure do."

Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."

Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
 
After five years of toil at a Wall Street law firm, an associate was burning the midnight oil at his office. Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and a tower of smoke burst from the floor. Satan stepped out of the smoke, and addressed the lawyer:

"I understand you'd give absolutely anything to make partner," said the devil, "So I've come here to make you an offer. I'll make you a partner, but in return I will take the souls of your wife, your parents, your children, your grandchildren, and all of your friends."

The lawyer looked strangely puzzled, and thought hard for several minutes. Finally, he turned to Satan and asked, "What's the catch?"
 
You're in a room in Hell with Hitler, Stalin and a lawyer. Satan gives you a gun with two bullets and asks you to pick your roommate for eternity. What do you do?

Shoot the lawyer twice :D


I once told that to a guy at a wedding reception. Come to find out - he was a layer. And got seriously pissed off. I was like :shrug: come on, it's just a JOKE.. kind of.

Speaking of Jokes. Isn't weird that GOD could not find that joke, the one you just read, funny. YET, you can. See, here you just went and did something that God could not do. Neat huh? :)
 
OK, if you say so....


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Michael said:
Yeah, another ironic bit of this story is now-a-days Satan is really the better of the two beings. Satan is the one who wanted man to have free will - like other intelligent beings in existence. Prior to that, humans were automatons. Slaves. Pets even?
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Not quite. If Eve did not have 'free will' to prior to her rendezvous with the snake (which is only traditionally viewed as Satan, not definitively) they could have done nothing other than what God wanted them to. What they did gain was the knowledge of Good and Evil-not freedom of volition-two immensely important constructs that it is difficult to conceive of how a person could think about much of anything, and in that respect they were not too unlike pets. However if the case was cogently made by Satan prior to the knowledge of what is good and what is evil, how could she ever be convinced that it was a good thing to be like God, or that the fruit was good for eating, or in antithesis, that it was a bad thing to disobey? For all they know, a talking snake permitted to enter the garden and speak to them must have been at the allowance of God himself, how else? God was unaware of this for an eternity before it occurred?

1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"

2 The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.' "

4 "You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. 5 "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."

6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it.

Another senseless story...
 
Because it is mythology, God and Satan are interchangeable. You can read the bible and substitute one for the other.
 
Sin said:
Not quite. If Eve did not have 'free will' to prior to her rendezvous with the snake (which is only traditionally viewed as Satan, not definitively) they could have done nothing other than what God wanted them to.
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Yeah, I see your point. How do we know this wasn't exactly what God had in mind all along?
 
With God having all knowledge and aware of everything, he must have been watching from a hidden viewpoint. The snake was capable of thinking and speaking and also God’s creation. God placed in the garden the snake along with the tree containing the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil. The conclusion is the whole thing must have been a trap set by God.
 
Michael said:
Yeah, I see your point. How do we know this wasn't exactly what God had in mind all along?
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One of the consequences of God's omnipotence is that his will takes jurisdiction over all that happens in the universe. One of the consequences of God being omniscient is that he is aware of all possible lines history might take before there is even an object to have a history. So if a thing happens we can safely say that it is because God has willed it thus-including the fall. Surely if he truly did not want us to eat the fruit, he is more than capable of seeing to it that we didn't. The story of Eden, for when considered in tandem with other Christian doctrine, is pure fiction, inconsistent and petty mythology.
 
Another aspect to the creation myth is the method God uses to teach. Biblical passages portray God causing destruction, harm or death and also consequential poverty as a widespread way of teaching using punishment. That style of teaching is detrimental, unconstructive and inferior lacking skill. Teaching a person by causing ruin and or death is not an intelligent way of instructing. Who having any brains would teach a child or anyone in such a fashion?
 
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Sin said:
So I was chatting it up with Satan last night-such a blabber mouth!- and He was telling me about how he landed his sweet gig as the Prince of Darkness, Lord of the Underworld. It went something like this:

Well, God created me along with the other angels, you know? Well after witnessing God, a being of who no greater thing can be conceived, it occurred to me that I could definitely be greater than God. So convinced was I and so vast my powers of rhetoric that I convinced my divine peers of my case to conquer an omnipotent being. So far so good: I have my legion, the big guy has his and we were about to engage in epic combat! Then God was all like "Oh dear, this is mighty lame of you Lucifer, tell you what, you are my arch enemy and shall be leaving heaven but I've accommodated you nicely with this place I just thought into existence."

In essence, Satan is a most heinous plot device. He is arguably the most pathetic imbecile imaginable. First he is able to find feelings of jealousy and superiority somewhere in a perfect heaven created by God himself. Then these ideas take root in his hebetudinous little mind and after experiencing God firsthand, these ideas take the form of a campaign to posit himself as superior to the being who is supremely perfect and who created him. This whole concept of a battle for God to overcome forgets the fact that He is omnipotent- all power that exists is concentrated within himself only. Thus anything that might present itself in opposition of God in any form, is a farce. The work of Satan is the work of God by proxy. This and other equally senseless and conceptually contradictory examples from the bible divulges this book as a blatant emotive tool for the enticing of the less skeptical minds. What are your thoughts on the matter? Am I wrong? Where? Thank you all.
Click to expand...

Yes anything that might present itself in opposition of God in any form is a farce.

Humans are at the present time are even lower than angels. and yet we see the farce in action here on earth. Many in this forum present themselves in opposition to God. So while it is senseless, it is also very real. And therefore it is confirmed.

So you are wrong. take a look around you, take a look at yourself.


All Praise The Ancient Of Days
 
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