Jesus Now Has an Assistant!!

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TruthSeeker

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"Christ Announces Hiring Of Associate Christ

JERUSALEM—Overwhelmed by a constant deluge of prayers and appeals for salvation, Jesus Christ announced Monday the hiring of Tacoma, WA, customer-service supervisor Dean Smoler as Associate Christ.

"I've been in need of an Assistant Savior for a long time now, and I'm thrilled to finally have one," Christ told reporters at a press conference aired on the Trinity Broadcasting Network. "Dean is an experienced guy who will really help ease my workload."

With the hiring, effective June 1, Christians seeking spiritual aid or guidance will be able to pray to either Jesus or Dean. "

...

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""I accept Dean Smoler in my heart and will pray to Him daily for eternal salvation," Beatrice Moorehead of Montgomery, AL, said. "Jesus and Dean are Lord.""

What are your thoughts on those breaking news?
 
The Jesus dude is taking a step in the right direction. His constant need for worship was taking the word egomaniacal to new levels.Like most celebrities with famous fathers his incessant 'me, me, me' was getting thin. Hopefully by this time next year both Jesus and Paris Hilton will be actually do something positive.

Perhaps Jesus will adopt a baby in Africa. Then it can be God, the Holy Ghost, Jesus and Grandson. New books of the Bible can be written following the new little tykes adventures such as that in in potty land...or follow his miracles in play school.
 
True, hearing about feeding the multitudes gets old after a while. Jesus fed hundreds. Mcdonalds fed tens of billions and that doesn't include those who just dropped by for a morning coffee and hash brown.
 
Why does an omnipotent, enlightened being need assistants? :confused:
I guess even omnipotency has its limits. :p
 
It's something to do with the quantum. Omnipotency is measured by the number of groveling worshippers. But once Jesus observes the groveling it impacts the omnipotency. It's all explained in String theory
 
oreodont said:
It's something to do with the quantum. Omnipotency is measured by the number of groveling worshippers. But once Jesus observes the groveling it impacts the omnipotency. It's all explained in String theory
Click to expand...
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^^^^
That reminds me of the image that someone posted in one of the threads here, of the statue of Jesus with his face buried in his hand and the caption said "why are so many of my followers such idiots?" Good stuff.
 
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