Help me.

T

Tomi

Registered Member
I am an atheist and my girlfriend is a chistian. We have been together about half an year and I care for her alot. We have discussed about our different point of views and we've always understood and never insulted each other in any way. Her boss is also a christian and she told me she have been talking with him about their faith and spiritual things.

Yesterday, after been talking with her boss, she told me that she has a problem with me being an atheist. We were doing so fine and suddenly she brings up this. She told me her "spritual reason" tells me she should leave me. She also told me that I'm the best man she has ever met in her life and that she cares for me as much as before. We discussed about this a long time last night and I couldn't sleep at all. She told me she'll need a few days to think things over before she can tell me her decision whether to leave me or not. She told me she had planned to leave me yesterday, but she couldn't.

I think it's terrible that her faith in something that doesn't exist is breaking us. She's the only thing that would miss me if I'd be gone gone. I feel I can't live without her. The worst thing about this situation is to wait. Everything else feels so unimportant now.

So you tell me. What can I do to keep her? What should I do? I feel I can't live without her. Help me.

Thanks.
Tomi
 
Dear Tomi:

Although I am Muslim and I have very strong views against athiesm, but I cant help but sympathize with you.

If your christian girlfriend cant accept you the way you are now, then she does not deserve to have you, she should care about you the person, about you and your ethics and the way you treat her not about your belief or disbelief.

My advice to you is to let go, leave her, after all, THERE ARE A LOT OF FISH IN THE SEA, you will find someone better than her who respect you the way you are.
 
You might be able to defend yourself by quoting biblical passages, but this is a last resort because unless if she states exactly what the spiritual reason is, and defend it with some article of faith, there will be little agreement between you. Anyways, in one of Paul's letters(you will have to look this up) Paul says that if a Christian is married to a non-Christian, then he should stay married.
 
Thank you for replying and understanding me Proud_Muslim and okinrus.

I looked up the passage you mentioned (I have read the Bible). It was 1 Corinthians 7:13. I sent her the passage. I don't believe it helps at all, but I'm willing do anything that even might help.

She wants to meet me today. I think she has made her mind. I fear the worst, because she made her mind so quickly.
 
Tomi

Just tell her that she is not a true Christian. The fact is that a Christian loves God and Christ above all - so how she can compare this love with you is beyond me.

She probably loves you more than you think, why not ask her??
 
Hi Tomi,

My experience is that someone will use any kind of excuse to justify leaving you, if that's what she wants to do. Faith seems like a "good" excuse because you can't really defend yourself against it. She might even say God told her to leave you.

Whatever her reasons are, it's probably more because of doubt than because of faith, remember that. It's the saddest thing on earth when this happens, especially if it looks like someone else put her up to it. But I still hope everything works out well for you.

All the best.
 
I agree. Sorry to say so, but if she intends to leave you, because of the difference in faith, and in her boss' advice (what kind of person is THAT??), then there is nothing you can do. Even if you could persuade her to stay, it would poison your relationship.

You can't force her to love you. She can't force herself to love you. Son cosas de la vida.

Hans
 
She said her boss didn't persuade her in any way. It's just that her boss is the person she can discuss about spiritual things. On the other hand, she told me that because of these discussions she got this problem of me being an atheist. All I know about these discussions is what she has told me.

The thing that bothers me is that she has known from the beginning that I'm an atheist. I have never forced her in anything. When I had my doubts about her feelings I told her that you don't have to be with me if you don't want to. She told me yesterday she does care for me alot and that she doesn't want to leave me, but this "spiritual reason" wants. That's why this decision is so hard for her. I'm confused. I think we're both confused.

I thank you all, that I could talk about this with someone. You have been a great help for me. I still hope she wont leave me.
 
Tomi said:
She told me yesterday she does care for me alot and that she doesn't want to leave me, but this "spiritual reason" wants.
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I would ask her what is the SPIRITUAL REASON?
what is spirit anyway?

I think if you are both compatible and get along well,why let some stupid religion get in the way?

maybe some deprograming is in order ;) ;)

here some nice sites with answers to silly beliefs
www.geocities.com/inquisitive79/
www.infidels.org/index.shtml
www.atheists.org
and the hard core
www.thewaronfaith.com
 
Tomi said:
She told me yesterday she does care for me alot and that she doesn't want to leave me, but this "spiritual reason" wants. That's why this decision is so hard for her. I'm confused. I think we're both confused
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Can she articulate the problem beyond "spiritual reason"? I can think of reasons of faith why she might feel she cannot be with you or even simply the fact that you cannot share what is a very important aspect of her life but the notion of an inexplicable "spiritual reason" seems far too vague.

~Raithere
 
U can tell her that cristianitity sees everyone(even atheists) as brothers and sons of God, so you are included here, crist said that and if she knows it confusion will end.

Hope youll continue with her.

-Tony
 
First of all, I want to thank you all for your interest and support.

Her decision was to continue our relationship. She told me she cares for me alot and that her decision based on what we've been through together and that it would be unfare if she wouldn't even give me a chance. She said her faith was so weak that she felt that she would want her companion to strenghten it. I told her that her faith is personal and that she can't expect anyone to strengten it for her.

However, she told me a few things more that are far too personal to share with anyone else. Because of what she said, I told her I cannot trust her anymore and that it will take time for me to gain that trust again and that we will both have to work really hard to get our relationship working like it did before. She accepted it.

So, my nightmare ended happily. I feel both happy and sad for all this. She wanted us to go somewhere to spend time together and have a good time like we've had before.

I thank you all again for your support.
 
Q25 said:
I would ask her what is the SPIRITUAL REASON?
what is spirit anyway?

I think if you are both compatible and get along well,why let some stupid religion get in the way?

maybe some deprograming is in order ;) ;)

here some nice sites with answers to silly beliefs
www.geocities.com/inquisitive79/
www.infidels.org/index.shtml
www.atheists.org
and the hard core
www.thewaronfaith.com
Click to expand...

This is something I cannot do to her. Her faith is too important for her. I understand that even as an atheist. If she's happy with her faith, I'm happy for her. I cannot manipulate her. That is something I cannot do for someone I care for.

The difference in our beliefs is that what means heaven for her means jail to me. What means freedom to me means hell to her. I don't need faith to tell me what is right and what is wrong, but obviously someone does.
 
The difference in our beliefs is that what means heaven for her means jail to me.
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If she is serious about her way of life, and you're willing to respect it, then heaven means the same thing for both of you - and the difference is just that she believes in it and you don't. Faith doesn't tell her as much what's right and wrong than it tells her where right or wrong gets you.

All happiness to both of you.
 
This is something I cannot do to her. Her faith is too important for her. I understand that even as an atheist.

Check my previous post if shes a true cristian she can easily accept you.

Good luck
 
What can I do to keep her?
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Either,

1. Pretend to convert to her point of view, someday you will break up for other reasons, just don't get married, enjoy her as long as possible.

2. The Egyptians and Incas had some great mummification techniques.
 
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