Good parenting or outright revenge???
- Thread starter sargentlard
- Start date
Too focused on the monetary aspect, or so says me.
Otherwise, it would be a fine punishment. Does the child learn anything about authority, or is it just about money? Seems the latter: You are going to pay me back by selling your PS2!
Eye for an eye would be less problematic.
Otherwise, it would be a fine punishment. Does the child learn anything about authority, or is it just about money? Seems the latter: You are going to pay me back by selling your PS2!
Eye for an eye would be less problematic.
Hmm, it sure is educational for the little brat, but if that is really good parenting? Doesn´t seems likely, since the money is involved it appears like revenge.
But a good lesson nonetheless.
But a good lesson nonetheless.
I wasn't gonna answer the post because I do not have children but I was gonna follow it but I noticed it ain't going anywhere. I read the article underneath and have a couple of opinions based on a laymens (childless) perceptions.
1) Discpline used within the realm of living within a community---in this case the family is accomplished in small strides day by day. For instance I get up and go to work every morning. If I don't eventually I will lose my job. I may miss one or two days and their is a contract to what is acceptable but I know where I stand every single day on attendance and I am not going to go to work one day and be let go for it without knowing that I will beforehand. I don't know if the expectations are known in that household but I did observe the one big climatic ps2 episode and can say that if their general strategy is not have smaller sanctions for smaller things the message they are sending may be mixed.
2) There are sanctions for everything in life. Nothing is done in a vaccum when one lives in a communtity and makes decisons or actions that influence the state of being of others. Having stated the obvious I am saying this to project the idea that this kid is still in a very protective environment and the sanctions he recieves now will still factor in his best interest at a much higher rate than a more neutral societies.
3) The long letter is not neccessary to sell the playstation. It is not a sales pitch. People will bid on it weather that is there or not. The only reason to put the letter there is for emotional vindication as far as I can see. So revenge (another word for vindication with negative consquences to one party), is defintly on the menu.
4) At age 13 the kid has a curosity for alcohol. He made it a big part of his weekend. My mother is German and I drank moderatly at that age, in the home as do many europeans. By my parents explaining to me what alcohol was, how it was used and not intentionally keeping it from me I got a healthy education as opposed to a one dipped in deviance where my parents could drink but I could not yet. I bring that up because while the mother feels a need to get compensated for the monetary loss and feels the need to post her sob story on the net......she seems to completly have overlooked her sons interest in alcohol which if not nutured like other parental/child issues could have bigger negative consquences than uncorking a bottle of overpriced booze.
It is really hard to draw a larger conclusion because we only see a really short piece of a much larger story in that webpage its good to sit down and figure out things like this even if you don't have children because in the end irregardless if you have some or not most people live with them daily and have some social interactions with them.
Tiassa,
how would you apply an eye for an eye in this instance with the info presented, and how does it apply to parenting overall?
1) Discpline used within the realm of living within a community---in this case the family is accomplished in small strides day by day. For instance I get up and go to work every morning. If I don't eventually I will lose my job. I may miss one or two days and their is a contract to what is acceptable but I know where I stand every single day on attendance and I am not going to go to work one day and be let go for it without knowing that I will beforehand. I don't know if the expectations are known in that household but I did observe the one big climatic ps2 episode and can say that if their general strategy is not have smaller sanctions for smaller things the message they are sending may be mixed.
2) There are sanctions for everything in life. Nothing is done in a vaccum when one lives in a communtity and makes decisons or actions that influence the state of being of others. Having stated the obvious I am saying this to project the idea that this kid is still in a very protective environment and the sanctions he recieves now will still factor in his best interest at a much higher rate than a more neutral societies.
3) The long letter is not neccessary to sell the playstation. It is not a sales pitch. People will bid on it weather that is there or not. The only reason to put the letter there is for emotional vindication as far as I can see. So revenge (another word for vindication with negative consquences to one party), is defintly on the menu.
4) At age 13 the kid has a curosity for alcohol. He made it a big part of his weekend. My mother is German and I drank moderatly at that age, in the home as do many europeans. By my parents explaining to me what alcohol was, how it was used and not intentionally keeping it from me I got a healthy education as opposed to a one dipped in deviance where my parents could drink but I could not yet. I bring that up because while the mother feels a need to get compensated for the monetary loss and feels the need to post her sob story on the net......she seems to completly have overlooked her sons interest in alcohol which if not nutured like other parental/child issues could have bigger negative consquences than uncorking a bottle of overpriced booze.
It is really hard to draw a larger conclusion because we only see a really short piece of a much larger story in that webpage its good to sit down and figure out things like this even if you don't have children because in the end irregardless if you have some or not most people live with them daily and have some social interactions with them.
Tiassa,
how would you apply an eye for an eye in this instance with the info presented, and how does it apply to parenting overall?
Robtex said:
The selling of the PS2 isn't a tremendous issue with me, but rather the way in which it is done; the focus is on money, not discipline. Whether or not the problem actually stems from the PS2 is irrelevant; there are no games included, which tells me that if the kid manages to put together the money somehow (paper route, &c), they will allow him to buy another. As far as that goes, fine. But making money the important issue, in my opinion, only elevates the importance of money in the child's mind without saying much about discipline and order.
The kid drinks alcohol without permission, and the issue is money?
And a couple of notes that I have generally left unquestioned, but are at least worth mentioning:
• I hadn't realized that champagne required constant refrigeration. I should probably go get the bottles left over from a friend's wedding out of the garage and put them in the fridge now, so they don't spoil. Or, if I am wrong in that assessment, did the kid put the bottle in the back of the refrigerator, or did he, as it is expressed at eBay, put the bottle back in the refrigerator? If it's that important, they should use the money from the PS2 toward the purchase of a small refrigerator (dorm fridge) that mom and dad can lock.
• I noticed it was never established that the kid actually broke the bugle; as described, I can certainly imagine a kid covering for himself by saying that, but there's a large amount of presumption there for us, who have chosen to cast our minor judgments.
A different presentation of the issues could have refocused on discipline, order, and respect. But the eBay seller chose to focus on the monetary aspect.
Of your four points, the only thing I wanted to mention that may seem like disagreement (well, okay, is disagreement) is in point #3. The pitch seems to reinforce a firm asking price: I can't take "best offer" below the asking price because ....
However, that still seems in accord with the rest of your point #3, I believe.
Tissa good parenting philosphy and I looked at your profile and father is listed on there.....so I am guessing you have applied your philosphies in real life before......giving your comments the added wisdom of experience (which mine lack as I have no children).......so I want to ask you .....to apply your last post to a hypothical example in either of two ways
1) pretend the 13 yr old was yours and with info presented prescribe a punishment for us
2) take a parrallel hypothical (so you can have more info) and apply a punishment for us
using the guidelines you outlined here.....for clairfication....
two points I want to ask/address from the above post...
u pointed out that the kid drank alcohol without premission....do you feel a 13 year old should be able to drink with parential supervision at that age ? ( I do but wanted your feedback since you injected it into your post)
In regards to buying a frig with a lock I would contend that using locks and sanctioned food is tap dancing around the real problem of defining and creating a eating/drinking paradign in the household that is based on mutual aggreement relevant to age/partipation/input level of that household. What I mean is that Using a lock to keep the kid from the good booze does solve the problem but ignores the issue of boundries that could be set in a household with parents and kids get respectable levels of input based on age in the household.
I lived for 18 months with a woman (roommate not gf) who was in her 30's and had the whole greedy frig thing going on. I bought about 33 -40 % of the groceries for a household of three but ate about 20 % of it cause she would (and to be fair she was really overweight) consume about 50 % of it while only buying about 25 % of it. It became such a problem that I stopped her and told her to knock it off after a number of months and the third roommate concurred. Having said that I use her as a example because as a grown-up her mentality is not that far off from kids who may not be so deviant but are not socialized in frig manners. She was way too old though to be playing eat-twice-as-much as purchase game though.....I don't know how she was raised (Nor care she doens't live with us anymore), but in the case of this one adult I found approaching her helped a lot and set up parameters on food buying where as hiding my food (which i did sometimes at first) created tension between the three of us.
1) pretend the 13 yr old was yours and with info presented prescribe a punishment for us
2) take a parrallel hypothical (so you can have more info) and apply a punishment for us
using the guidelines you outlined here.....for clairfication....
two points I want to ask/address from the above post...
u pointed out that the kid drank alcohol without premission....do you feel a 13 year old should be able to drink with parential supervision at that age ? ( I do but wanted your feedback since you injected it into your post)
In regards to buying a frig with a lock I would contend that using locks and sanctioned food is tap dancing around the real problem of defining and creating a eating/drinking paradign in the household that is based on mutual aggreement relevant to age/partipation/input level of that household. What I mean is that Using a lock to keep the kid from the good booze does solve the problem but ignores the issue of boundries that could be set in a household with parents and kids get respectable levels of input based on age in the household.
I lived for 18 months with a woman (roommate not gf) who was in her 30's and had the whole greedy frig thing going on. I bought about 33 -40 % of the groceries for a household of three but ate about 20 % of it cause she would (and to be fair she was really overweight) consume about 50 % of it while only buying about 25 % of it. It became such a problem that I stopped her and told her to knock it off after a number of months and the third roommate concurred. Having said that I use her as a example because as a grown-up her mentality is not that far off from kids who may not be so deviant but are not socialized in frig manners. She was way too old though to be playing eat-twice-as-much as purchase game though.....I don't know how she was raised (Nor care she doens't live with us anymore), but in the case of this one adult I found approaching her helped a lot and set up parameters on food buying where as hiding my food (which i did sometimes at first) created tension between the three of us.