Isaw this on an other forum so i thought i would share this with every one, give a cat a pill/(1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby,place right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth gently apply pressure to cheeks andpop pill into mouth,allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
(2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa and repeat process.
(3) Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill,take new pill out of foil wrap,cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand,force jaws open and push pill to back of throat with right forefinger,holdmouth shut for a count of ten,
(4) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and the cat fromtop of wardrobe and call spouse from garden.
(5) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees,hold front and rear paws,ignore low primeval growls emitted by cat,getspouse to hold had firmly with one hand whileforcing wooden ruler into mouth,drop pll down rulerinto mouth and rub cat's throat vigorusley.
(6)Retrieve cat from curtain,get another pillfrom foil wrap,make a note to get a new ruler and repair curtains,carefully sweepshattered figurines and vases from around the room and set aside for glueing later.
(7)Wrap cat in a large bath towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible fromthe towel, put the pill in the end of a drinking straw,force mouth open with a penciland blow down the drinking straw.
(8)Check label to make sure it is not harmful to humans,drink a bottle of beer to take taste away,apply plaster to spouses forearm and add carpet cleaner to shopping list to clean blood from carpet.
(9)Retreive cat from next doors shed,getanother pill and a couple of more beers,place cat in cupboard and close door on to cats neck so head is just showingforce mouth open with a large spoon,and flick pill down with an elastic band.
(10) Fetch screw driver from shed and fix cupdoard doors back onto hinges,have another beer,run out of beer so open a bottle of scotch,take a large swig,apply cold compress to cheek and check records for last tetanus jab,throw away torn and blooded t-shirt.
(11) Ring fire brigade to rescue cat from tree across road,and apologise to motorist who crashed into a tree while trying to avoid cat,get last pill from the foil wrap.
(12)Tie the little devils front paws to the rear pawswith garden twine,and bind it tightlyto the leg of the dining table,find heavy dutypruning gloves from shed,push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of steak,be rough you will not be beaten this time,hold head virtically and pour to pintsof waterdown throat to wash pill down.
(13)Consume remainder of scotch and get spouse to take you to the nearest casualty dept.
(14)Arrange for the R.S.P.C.A to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring the local pet shop to see if they have a hamster for sale.
HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL (1) Wrap it in bacon(the pill not the dog) who's a clever boy then.
(2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa and repeat process.
(3) Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill,take new pill out of foil wrap,cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand,force jaws open and push pill to back of throat with right forefinger,holdmouth shut for a count of ten,
(4) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and the cat fromtop of wardrobe and call spouse from garden.
(5) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees,hold front and rear paws,ignore low primeval growls emitted by cat,getspouse to hold had firmly with one hand whileforcing wooden ruler into mouth,drop pll down rulerinto mouth and rub cat's throat vigorusley.
(6)Retrieve cat from curtain,get another pillfrom foil wrap,make a note to get a new ruler and repair curtains,carefully sweepshattered figurines and vases from around the room and set aside for glueing later.
(7)Wrap cat in a large bath towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible fromthe towel, put the pill in the end of a drinking straw,force mouth open with a penciland blow down the drinking straw.
(8)Check label to make sure it is not harmful to humans,drink a bottle of beer to take taste away,apply plaster to spouses forearm and add carpet cleaner to shopping list to clean blood from carpet.
(9)Retreive cat from next doors shed,getanother pill and a couple of more beers,place cat in cupboard and close door on to cats neck so head is just showingforce mouth open with a large spoon,and flick pill down with an elastic band.
(10) Fetch screw driver from shed and fix cupdoard doors back onto hinges,have another beer,run out of beer so open a bottle of scotch,take a large swig,apply cold compress to cheek and check records for last tetanus jab,throw away torn and blooded t-shirt.
(11) Ring fire brigade to rescue cat from tree across road,and apologise to motorist who crashed into a tree while trying to avoid cat,get last pill from the foil wrap.
(12)Tie the little devils front paws to the rear pawswith garden twine,and bind it tightlyto the leg of the dining table,find heavy dutypruning gloves from shed,push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of steak,be rough you will not be beaten this time,hold head virtically and pour to pintsof waterdown throat to wash pill down.
(13)Consume remainder of scotch and get spouse to take you to the nearest casualty dept.
(14)Arrange for the R.S.P.C.A to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring the local pet shop to see if they have a hamster for sale.
HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL (1) Wrap it in bacon(the pill not the dog) who's a clever boy then.
