csreech I am so sorry!
Let me start by telling you that I lost my girlfriend of eight years just a few months back. I can't tell you I understand what your going through everyone is different and the situation is different. What I can tell you is I do know the pain that come with losing someone close to you. I tried to imagine what your going through but I just can't. In my own experience I started to have panic attacks, uncontrollable fits of crying and believe it or not television crushed me on a daily basis. Sounds strange but I noticed that in just about every show I watched some one would die and it felt like someone hit me with a 2 by 4. I though of ending it just about every day. But that's not an answer because adding to a tragedy will hurt every one else left behind. So don't do it no matter how desperate you feel. Give it time, it does help. Just don't rush it time is a strange bedfellow, it will not pushed for anybody. Please feel free to ask me any question at all, like I said this is different from my experience. But I'll do my best to help. Keep your chin up.
Time heals all wounds, but some will always remain sensitive to the touch.
Be well my friend.