Denial in dreams.

D

DarkEyedBeauty

Pirate.
Registered Senior Member
Alright. I tend to have very lucid dreams every night of the week. I can ramble off a thousand facts about my tendencies: I can fly, I can see colour or black and white, I have reoccuring dreams, always in threes, etc. But what I'm really interested in is a sort of dream that I always experience.

I'm constantly having romantic dreams. Not just romantic, but I'm always with a guy that I like, someone from real life, or someone from out of my sub-conscious. And at a peak moment of the dream I fall into his arms, or throw myself at him, or he grabs me and we start kissing. All good and fine. But for some reason or another, we always stop abruptly then are forced to go back our everyday lives where we have to deny our affection. And I'm always the weaker of the two, wanting to throw everything away if it means we are to be together. What does this mean? Why am I never in a relationship in my dream? Why am I never fufilled? Why can't any man in my dreams admit to being with me or wanting to be with me? Dammit.
 
Cause you're goddamn ugly..that's why:D


j/k ofcourse


It could be you are afraid of getting hurt in relationships so subconciously your mind ends them before anything bad happens to you...even in your dreams. It could be also deep seated insecurities being played out in front of your mind..or one of your fears materialized in your dreams..fear of rejection and not being accepted.

Maybe you'd be hurt in real life if such a situation was put upon you so you seem to be weary of it in dreams??? Maybe that man is a cheating hussy?? a man slut?


or it could be that you're just goddamn ugly:D
 
For me, dreams are very symbolic of reality that you are currently in. If a regular theme is popping up or reoccuring then you should pay attention to that. However, I don't think there is a set of dream "symbols". Each "symbol" varies from person to person. So I'd venture to say, what does this mean to you?

What does it feel like to be romantic in your dream? What does it feel for the dream to pull up short? What does it feel like to be "the weaker of the two"? What does it feel to not be in a relationship in the dream? All of these feelings are apart of you, and would be willing to bet you encounter them in your waking life. Explore them, and don't scorn yourself for having them.

Another interesting thing to try is to reread your post and take out all the "in my dream" segments. In other words, consider what you are saying as ultimate questions to yourself directly and not questions about your dreams.

For instance:
"Why can't any man in my dreams admit to being with me or wanting to be with me?"

is turned into...

Why can't any man admit to being with me or wanting to be with me?

Again, when you look at this statement, what does it mean to you?
Maybe this feeling isn't accurate to you now.
Maybe this has something to do with a past relationship that hasn't healed, an unfinished situation.
Maybe you feel a current partner doesn't want to be with you.

Playing Mr. Psychologist now. Even though I know pretty much nothing about you, I feel that a lot of this is summed up in your statement "Why am I never fulfilled?" This is the statement that hits home to me. If you aren't fulfilled in your waking life then why should you be in your dreams?
 
An emotional repression of sorts?

Of course in your dream it would naturally occur to you to be forced to be apart from these men, without any reason or rhyme to it. Perhaps your subconcious is exploiting what has being happening in your real life. To repress your emotions on the outside may be a direct result of how your dreams are turning out. Have you ever told these dream-men of yours about your feelings in the real world? I would not pretend to know exactely what is happening here but also consider that these dreams may not mean anything at all. You talk about fulfillment, asking why you are never fulfilled, ask yourself, which world do you mean when stating that question. Fulfillment, I believe, will come once these obviously repressed emotions are released in some way shape or form...
 
Originally posted by Xenu
If you aren't fulfilled in your waking life then why should you be in your dreams?
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I thought we dreamed because we weren't fullfilled in our waking life...or am i confusing dreaming with fantasizing:bugeye:
 
Xenu. I really think you hit the nail on the head. I guess my dreams reflected my life more than I knew at the time. So maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me that I'm unsatisfied.

I am afraid of being hurt. Maybe that's why I don't let myself be happy in my dreams. I just don't really know what to do about it.
 
Darkeyed..the only thing you can really do is face it....a few heartbreaks are written in everybody's romantic life at one point or another, what you do is move on...(well unless you are one of those who married the first love you had and are still happy......i hate you bastards:D ).

The only way you'll ever know is if you try it.....because the only thing worse than not being hurt is thinking "what if"....what if it could have worked out. Trust your heart and your mind and eventually you'll come out a winner...hopefully you will.;)
 
Originally posted by sargentlard
I thought we dreamed because we weren't fullfilled in our waking life...or am i confusing dreaming with fantasizing:bugeye:
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There's no real clear cut answer why we dream, but there's a lot of evidence that the function of REM sleep is to learn, a way of integrating experiences (sensory, emotional, thought) with old ones along with our paradigms.

When mammals go to sleep our brains pretty much works the way when we are awake, but our bodies become paralyzed so that we don't act out the brain activity.

I feel that dreams themselves are certain centers of the brain (especially sensory ones) trying to make sense of all this experience integration that is being passed around the brain centers.

So as an answer to your statement (sorry for the longwinded tangent), I'd say we always dream, but we always don't remember our dreams. I'd say not-remembering your dreams would reflect on someone who isn't that connected with their senses too well. Someone who is more internal and in deep thought a lot, and not someone who is necessarily fullfilled. I can vouche for that with my personal experiences.
 
Originally posted by DarkEyedBeauty
Xenu. I really think you hit the nail on the head. I guess my dreams reflected my life more than I knew at the time. So maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me that I'm unsatisfied.

I am afraid of being hurt. Maybe that's why I don't let myself be happy in my dreams. I just don't really know what to do about it.
Click to expand...

Yeah, you probably feel pretty stuck. It's a hard thing to work through. It's hard to take risks in a relationship, but ultimately that's what relationships are about, asserting who you are and not feeling you have to be something else, otherwise each person's honesty and integrity get compromised, which mucks the relationship.
 
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