I was thinking, probably eating Chinese food at least once a week is as close to a religion as I can get.
I make sure that I go to China buffet at least once a week. I go to the closes restaurant (church) but I can go to others too, and I have a rite. I eat always the same food in pretty much the same order. I tip the same amount (tithing).
So is eating (worshipping) Chinese food my religion???
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M*W: Yes! You can worship Chinese food as your religion, but there are certain doctrines that you must follow, and they are:
I am the lord thy god, Chow Mein, and thou shalt not worship any other buffet than my own.
Thou shalt not make for thyself a huge buffet plate of anything other than Chinese food.
Thou shalt not make wrongful use of soy sauce or hot mustard on thy buffet plate.
Remember thine egg roll and keep it holy.
Honor thy kitchen help with prayer and and large tips.
Thou shalt not murder another for taking the last scoop of fried rice on my buffet.
Thou shalt not commit adultery and order family dinner.
Thou shalt not carry out buffet--is against house rules.
That shalt not bear false witness of rat and roach report to health department.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife's ass during secret rendevous at unfamiliar buffet across town.
And a few more:
Thou shalt pray to chopsticks that they shall hold your noodles forever.
Thou shalt baptise thy holy spoon in bowl of wonton soup.
Thou shalt always order from menu when buffet looks stale.
He who shares buffet with cheap non-paying friend will burn in hot wok forever.
Thou shalt not gloat over fortune cookie.
Remember thy combination plate is thy key to tofu heaven.
