There seems to be a double standard about these terms of endearment: baby, honey, sweetie, cutie...etc. A manager at my job calls pretty much everyone under 35 (mostly men) by these names. But no one ever reports her for sexual harassment. I think most people kind of like it, but if a man does it they get reported pretty quickly regardless if he meant it in a sexual manner or not. My boss does it to me every now and then, but I know he doesn't really mean anything inappropiate by it so I don't get upset, but other female co-workers get really upset and offended by him yet they never say anything about the other older lady manager. Whats up with that? Double standard or is there something else. Should I take my bosses comments more seriously? Or what? What do you guys think?
Baby, Honey, and Sweetheart
- Thread starter CutsieMarie89
- Start date
actually cutsie i wondered the same thing but about a much younger age group. If a male teacher said that to a student and put there arm around them (primary school students i mean) because they just fell over and were crying they would be acused of peadophilia. Mum (who IS a primary school teacher) seems to get away with it on a regular basis. it is a double standed (and an interesting one concidering the lesbian police officer charged with carnal knowlage of a child under the age of 16 which was reported in the paper a couple of days ago)
It is considered unprofessional to use these little terms of endearment in the workplace. I would never use those terms nor would I allow anyone reporting to me to use those terms.
I think most of the time it is used, it is just a cultural thing and no harm is intended. However, in this day and age you don't want to give people a stone to throw at you or your company. So those terms of endearment are best left outside the office.
It ain't what you say, it's how you say it.
depends, what do you do. For instance female nurses get away with it constantly in the childrens and geriatrics wards. So do female ambos, teachers, child care workers, aged care workers ect ect.
If my female supervisor called me honey (and I think she actually has a couple of times), I wouldn't mind in the least. But I'm completely secure that she would never use it in a sexist way. She's more like my mom than my boss, but I have a great work environment.
If I were a male supervisor, I would never use such terms with a female subordinate. Even if I knew that I would never say it in a way that implied I thought the person I was addressing someone who shouldn't be taken seriously, it could easily be perceived as being patronizing. Because, up until pretty recently, these terms were used that way, and occasionally still are. I cannot blame a woman who bristles at a boss, or possibly even worse a co-worker who isn't a superior, using such terms. They say "honey" and she hears "you silly girl".
If I were a male supervisor, I would never use such terms with a female subordinate. Even if I knew that I would never say it in a way that implied I thought the person I was addressing someone who shouldn't be taken seriously, it could easily be perceived as being patronizing. Because, up until pretty recently, these terms were used that way, and occasionally still are. I cannot blame a woman who bristles at a boss, or possibly even worse a co-worker who isn't a superior, using such terms. They say "honey" and she hears "you silly girl".
you know what i find amusing about that post? when you call your partner babe, sweetheart (ok most people do use this one to young children) or honey do you mean "silly girl". Actually from what i have seen its "dear" which is used as a "wave and smile" word, as in "yes dear
"you know what i find amusing about that post? when you call your partner babe, sweetheart (ok most people do use this one to young children) or honey do you mean "silly girl". Actually from what i have seen its "dear" which is used as a "wave and smile" word, as in "yes dear
As with so many issues of language, context is everything. Addressing a co-worker using the same language and speech pattern that you would use to address a young child implies that you take them as seriously as you do a young child. One of the most vicious insults I've seen used in discussion forums such as this one is to dismiss someone you disagree with by saying some variation of "Run along and play little one, the adults are talking here." That's a perfectly innocent thing to say to an actual child, but a deadly insult when addressed to an adult whose opinions you disagree with.
That's why it's such a potential minefield; even if that wasn't how you meant it, if that's what the other person hears, they feel they have been belittled and insulted.
Pandaemoni
Valued Senior Member
I am not sure it is a "double standard" in the classic sense, but rather there are materially different psychological forces involved. The truth is, sexual harassment in this sort of context is an issue of *unwanted* sexual or romantic activities between co-workers.
Imagine I ask a woman I work with out on a date, and she feels very weird about having been asked (which of course means she's completely uninterested). I however press the case, and ask her out a few more time (on dates and to various other non-work related "group" activities, where I nonetheless have the opportunity to try to show her that I'd be a good guy to go out with. She may feel a tension in our future work interactions because she now perceives me as someone interested in her and someone willing to "chase" when she's already shot me down. To HER, it seems she's being harassed by a would be suitor, and it affects her job.
Imagine however, that I did convince her that I was a good enough prospect to date. Either because she accepted when I first asked her, or she warmed to me in subsequent encounters (or maybe she wanted to be "chased" a bit). Since my advances were not unwelcome, she's not going to see them as "harassment." (Hence the number one rule to avoiding sexual harassment claims: "Be handsome.")
The law doesn't forbid dating co-workers, or even underlings, but the line is very fuzzy when it comes to unwanted advances.
In the case of a female manger, it's unlikely that the men feel harassed. First, they almost certainly do not feel "put down" as males by the terms of endearments, because the self image of a man qua "maleness" is generally pretty strong. If someone calls me "baby" because they see males as weak and inferior, I'd be inclined to laugh at them. More likely I would take the term--mostly on a subconscious level--as a sign that I was desirable and that she was acknowledging that, not as a sign that she things men are inferior.
The power dynamic and history between men and women is such that different inferences are appropriate when a manager uses such terms depending on the sex of the manager and the subordinate employee. SO in a sense there is a "double standard" but a very reasonable one.
Is it because when women say those words people think mother-like and when men say it people think chauvinist? Maybe I don't get upset because I think father-like as well. I don't know :shrug:
Do older people sometimes end up viewing their much younger subordinates as children, so to speak? My boss may call me honey or something, but he also calls the guys here who are young like me things like champ and sport...etc. And he isn't the only executive level person (regardless of sex) who does so. Has anyone else noticed that or just me?
I don't mind it. Except when someone uses it as a put-down, for example 'Don't talk about what you don't understand, sweetie', or as an excuse to not address a point I am making. Then it makes me really really fucking mad.
Generally I don't see the big deal(depending on context) but even then, those words aren't particularly offensive like calling someone biatch or swearing at them. At worst I'd call those terms affectionate or appreciative in some way. In the north of England it's common to be called "love" or "pet". :shrug:
But sexual harrassment is the latest buzzword for any minor thing from the opposite sex that you don't like - unless of course you like them too, then it's called flirting.
It pretty much makes a mockery of the real cases.
But sexual harrassment is the latest buzzword for any minor thing from the opposite sex that you don't like - unless of course you like them too, then it's called flirting.
It pretty much makes a mockery of the real cases.
Your female co-workers may find it demeaning and condescending rather than sexual.
Exactly. Here's a question. I wonder how many men have been sued for sexual harassment when they made sexual advances on women who had used terms like baby or honey with them and took it as a sign of sexual interest?
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M*W: I don't think it causes any harm since your boss seems to do this to everyone. However, in this day and time, someone might sue. Whether it's right or wrong in the workplace, I for one am tired of litigousness in the workplace. Having worked with such people, I believe they are just in it for the money. I was raised by parents who had terms of endearment for each other. As an adult, I found it hard to call people close to me these terms. Maybe I've never met the "right" person.
It's best to just consider the source of the terms of endearment and let it go. I kind of envy your boss for being comfortable enough to use those terms to others, but that's just me.