It always facinates me to leaf through the myriad volumes of
Bible stories for children that populate every bookstore. The
familiar fable King Solomon's wisdom invariably appears in each
and every collection, but the severly sanitized adaptation bears
very little resemblance to the original text as found in 1 Kings
3:16-28. In the very unlikely event that I might decide to write an
X-Rated Bibles Stories for Children some day, here is how the
popular parable might unfold:
King Solomon and the Little Bastard
Once upon a time, there was a very wise man, King Solomon. The
king was very rich. In fact, he had so much money that he
married 700 wives and he also had 300 concubines. A concubine
was a women who lived with a man without being married to him.
Today, if a man and a women live together without being
married, we say that they are living in sin because they are guilty
of fornication. Fornication is having sex with someone you are not
married to, but God doesn't want us to do that anymore.
Also, today, if you have more then one wife or husband, you are
called a bigamist and bigamy is again the law. And of course, if
your daddy cheats n my mommy and has a secret girlfriend, or if
your mommy cheats on your daddy and has a secret boyfriend,
that is called adultry, and God doesn't want us to do that either.
The bible tells us that if people commit adultry, we should throw
stones at them and kill them because God thinks it is much better
to murder someone than to commit adultry.
Now, in Solomon's day, it was OK to have as many wives as you
could afford to support because that was the time of the Old
Dispensation which was God's plan A for the world. But today, we
are living under the New Dispensation which is also know as
God's plan B.
One day, two prostitutes came to see King Solomon. A prostitute
is a women who sells her body for sex, and God never want us to
do that. These two women brought a baby boy with them who
was illegitimate. This means that no one knew for sure who the
father for the child was. Since these two prostitutes had sex with
so many different men, they could never know for sure which one
of those men made them pregnant. Being pregnant means that
their belly swelled up and got very big with a baby developing
inside.
But this little bastard (another word for a child who's parents
never got married) had a double problem. Not only was their
doubt about who his father was, there also some doubt as to
which of the two prostitutes was his mother.
One of the whores (another word for a prostitute) explained to
the king that she and the other whore lived together in the same
house. The first prostitute had a baby just three days before the
other one also gave birth. But the second whore's baby dies one
night when she accidently rolled over on it while asleep and
smothered it to death. Then she got up and stole the baby from
the other mother while she was sound asleep and put the corpse
of her dead son in place of the living child.
When the first mother awoke and was ready to nurse her son
with the milk from her breast, she realized that the dead infant
was not hers and she accused the other whore of kidnapping
(child stealing).
As the two prostitutes argued back and forth before King
Solomon, each one claimed to be the real mother of the little
bastard. The king asked for a sword because he was going to cut
the living child in two pieces and give one half to each of them.
The women who cried out and begged him not to do that, turned
out to be the real mother.
When the people heard about Solomon's decision for the two
prostitutes and their little bastard, they soon realized what a
really wise king they had.
Now boys and girls, wasn't that a wonderful story?
Pgs. 176 - 177
Excerpt from:
The X-Rated Bible by Ben Edward Akerley
Bible stories for children that populate every bookstore. The
familiar fable King Solomon's wisdom invariably appears in each
and every collection, but the severly sanitized adaptation bears
very little resemblance to the original text as found in 1 Kings
3:16-28. In the very unlikely event that I might decide to write an
X-Rated Bibles Stories for Children some day, here is how the
popular parable might unfold:
King Solomon and the Little Bastard
Once upon a time, there was a very wise man, King Solomon. The
king was very rich. In fact, he had so much money that he
married 700 wives and he also had 300 concubines. A concubine
was a women who lived with a man without being married to him.
Today, if a man and a women live together without being
married, we say that they are living in sin because they are guilty
of fornication. Fornication is having sex with someone you are not
married to, but God doesn't want us to do that anymore.
Also, today, if you have more then one wife or husband, you are
called a bigamist and bigamy is again the law. And of course, if
your daddy cheats n my mommy and has a secret girlfriend, or if
your mommy cheats on your daddy and has a secret boyfriend,
that is called adultry, and God doesn't want us to do that either.
The bible tells us that if people commit adultry, we should throw
stones at them and kill them because God thinks it is much better
to murder someone than to commit adultry.
Now, in Solomon's day, it was OK to have as many wives as you
could afford to support because that was the time of the Old
Dispensation which was God's plan A for the world. But today, we
are living under the New Dispensation which is also know as
God's plan B.
One day, two prostitutes came to see King Solomon. A prostitute
is a women who sells her body for sex, and God never want us to
do that. These two women brought a baby boy with them who
was illegitimate. This means that no one knew for sure who the
father for the child was. Since these two prostitutes had sex with
so many different men, they could never know for sure which one
of those men made them pregnant. Being pregnant means that
their belly swelled up and got very big with a baby developing
inside.
But this little bastard (another word for a child who's parents
never got married) had a double problem. Not only was their
doubt about who his father was, there also some doubt as to
which of the two prostitutes was his mother.
One of the whores (another word for a prostitute) explained to
the king that she and the other whore lived together in the same
house. The first prostitute had a baby just three days before the
other one also gave birth. But the second whore's baby dies one
night when she accidently rolled over on it while asleep and
smothered it to death. Then she got up and stole the baby from
the other mother while she was sound asleep and put the corpse
of her dead son in place of the living child.
When the first mother awoke and was ready to nurse her son
with the milk from her breast, she realized that the dead infant
was not hers and she accused the other whore of kidnapping
(child stealing).
As the two prostitutes argued back and forth before King
Solomon, each one claimed to be the real mother of the little
bastard. The king asked for a sword because he was going to cut
the living child in two pieces and give one half to each of them.
The women who cried out and begged him not to do that, turned
out to be the real mother.
When the people heard about Solomon's decision for the two
prostitutes and their little bastard, they soon realized what a
really wise king they had.
Now boys and girls, wasn't that a wonderful story?
Pgs. 176 - 177
Excerpt from:
The X-Rated Bible by Ben Edward Akerley
