An Atheist Joke

N

Nancy_Lieder

Doomsday Kook
Registered Senior Member
An atheist was walking through the woods, admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw the grizzly was closing. Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run faster. He tripped and fell to the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but the bear was right over him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw to strike him. At that instant the atheist cried, "Oh my God!......."

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others that I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Yet now you call to me and expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light,"I am a man of principle and it would be hypocritical to become a Christian and ask for your help after all these years....but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"

"Very well" said the voice.

The light went out.

The river ran.

The sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped his right paw.....brought both paws together....bowed its head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
:D
 
A slight logic fault there.

A true atheist only states that there is no evidence of god's existence. But he will switch to Christan at the moment when time was frozen, and god spoke to him because he has the 1st hand evidence of god. If he still doesn't believe in god with those evidence, then he is not a man of principle, in another word, not a true atheist.

Also, an atheist says "oh my god" or "god damn it" is mostly due to English language itself rather then beliving in any religion.
 
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Got ya there.

Anyway, I don't say Oh my god. Thats the first time in ages I've said it :p
 
er, um... daktaklakpak I think it was just a joke there buddy:)

Albeit a stupid one, but no need to analyze it for logical inconcistancies, thats just silly.
 
LOL Thats funny! If only he would have asked god to make the bear a vegetarian :)
 
I have heard this one.

He should have prayed to make the bear an attractive young woman, so he would not mind being eaten. :p
 
Isn't this one of those posts that is a purposedly created joke?

Shouldn't it be edited or deleted?

Shouldn't the author be banned?

Rules are rules.

:)
 
I think half the replies on Sciforums are jokes

Most of mine are, most of the time, its unintentional.
I think Nancy must have just wanted to share that with every one. Wheres the harm in that?
 
Well, the no joke allowed part in the forum rules realy bugs me. That's why I wrote that previous post.
 
The problem is how does the atheist know that he is in the presence of God? How do we know this isn't the work of a minor greek God, or Satan, or Descartes' evil genius? Wouldn't the most parsimonious explanation be that the voice and time freezing(and the talking bear, for that matter) be the work of super intelligent, wholly naturalistic aliens?
 
Originally posted by daktaklakpak
A slight logic fault there.

A true atheist only states that there is no evidence of god's existence.

Click to expand...

Uh.. I don't mean to be a prick, but:

Main Entry: athe·ism
Pronunciation: 'A-thE-"i-z&m
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle French athéisme, from athée atheist, from Greek atheos godless, from a- + theos god
Date: 1546
1 archaic : UNGODLINESS, WICKEDNESS
2 a : a disbelief in the existence of deity b : the doctrine that there is no deity

It is the agnostic that does not belief there is evidence of god's existence:

Main Entry: 1ag·nos·tic
Pronunciation: ag-'näs-tik, &g-
Function: noun
Etymology: Greek agnOstos unknown, unknowable, from a- + gnOstos known, from gignOskein to know -- more at KNOW
Date: 1869
: a person who holds the view that any ultimate reality (as God) is unknown and prob. unknowable; broadly : one who is not committed to believing in either the existence or the nonexistence of God or a god

both from www.m-w.com

So your premise is bunk.

However, I do believe that any rational person, faced with the undeniable first hand experience of talking to god, should probably seek help. They are likely suffering from a grandios ruse or mental condition.

It wouldn't be hard for a society with a thousand years of technical advancements past ours to appear to us as GOD by the way.
 
I have a joke also:

A Christian was walking through the woods, admiring all "GOD" had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw the grizzly was closing. Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run faster. He tripped and fell to the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but the bear was right over him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw to strike him. At that instant the Christian cried, "Oh my God!........................no God appeared, time did not stand still, and the hungry bear proceeded to rip the man into shreds, as the man was screaming for his GOD to rescue him. Sadly, the man died, feeling unloved by his GOD. But, the bear got a nice meal.
 
Ahh, and there was one less hungry bear in the world. And god, being fair to all his children, looked upon what the bear had done and it was good. Amen.
 
Uh yeah, Has anyone heard the one about Jesus, the Catholic priest and the 8 year old girl?

*Uhg, I have a ghastly sense of humour.*
 
How about a religion joke:


I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said 'Stop! don't do it!'

'Why shouldn't I?' he said.

I said, 'Well, there's so much to live for!'

He said, 'Like what?'

I said, 'Well...are you religious or atheist?'

He said, 'Religious.'

I said, 'Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?'

He said, 'Christian.'

I said, 'Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?'

He said, 'Protestant.'

I said, 'Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?'

He said, 'Baptist!'

I said, 'Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist church of god or Baptist church of the lord?'

He said, 'Baptist church of god!'

I said, 'Me too! Are you original Baptist church of god, or are you reformed Baptist church of god?'

He said, 'Reformed Baptist church of god!'

I said, 'Me too! Are you reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1879, or reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1915?'

He said, 'Reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1915!'

I said, 'Die, heretic scum,' and pushed him off.

~Emo Phillips
 
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