My short vacation
Day one: After an entire fifth of Bicardi 151, two valium and a hit from a bong, I wake up in a back alley behind a gay vietnamese bar wearing nothing but a condom shaped like a duck.
Day two: I pay a hooker to get "freaky" so that I can play "Safety Dance" by MEN WITHOUT HATS while making love. Instead she straps me to a cheap plastic chair with an old guitar strap and whips me with a leather thong medallion while her midget wee-wees in my hair.
Day three: I return to Wedgewood Elementary School where I teach.