69 recommendations for dating

Xev

Registered Senior Member
Your love to woman, and woman's love to man- ah, would that it were sympathy for suffering and veiled deities! But generally two animals alight on one another.

1: Offer flowers. Those Soulth-American flowers that smell like rotting meat.

2: Be chevalerous*. Open doors. Especially when your date is unconscious or dead.

3: Girls used to consider the deformed, pickled fetus on your dresser "cool". That was when you were 12. Now it's just creepy.

4: Girls used to consider your "Mr.Spock Ears" cool. That was when you were 12. Get a life, fanboy!

5: Most girls will not engage in "role-playing" as characters from "Babylon 5". At least not on the first date. See above.

6: Paying for dinner does not mean your date has to give head. The Supreme Court struck that argument down in 1987.

7:DO NOT bring her into your little circle of D&D gaming friends!

8: DO NOT greet her father with "Nanoo Nanoo". See number 4.

9: DO NOT ask her "Can i see your photon torpedoes?"

10: "Say, you look like you have a little Irish in you" is no longer considered a valid pick-up line. In certain states of the Union, it is legal to shoot men who use it.

11: However fascinating Hegel's influence on the development of dialectical materialism may be, do not, NOT mention this to your date.

12: If her eyes start to glaze over, it means you have broken rule 11.

13: "I have been waiting for a girl like you for countless aeons" is NOT Gothic-Sexy. It is evidence of mental illness.

14. Besides, "countless aeons" is too old for even Anna-Nichole Smith.

15: "And even the little God may he find, who is dearest to maidens: beside the well lieth he quietly, with closed eyes. Verily, in broad daylight did he fall asleep, the sluggard! Had he perhaps chased butterflies too much?"
is not an expression of "interest". It means you are dating Zarathrusra. See opening quote.

And, I cannot think of any more.





*Hate that word. Hate that word. Hate that word. Hate that word.
 
Yay!!! Hints from someone who's actually dated!

"Be chevalerous*. Open doors. Especially when your date is unconscious or dead."

Chivalrous?


"Most girls will not engage in "role-playing" as characters from "Babylon 5". At least not on the first date."

What about Clockwork Orange?


"However fascinating Hegel's influence on the development of dialectical materialism may be, do not, NOT mention this to your date."

Haha. I think I once lost a girl when she asked me about philosophy and got into a bit of a speech on nietzch.


"is not an expression of "interest". It means you are dating Zarathrusra"

I use that one all the time.
 
Chivalrous?

Yeah. It is one of my life's ambitions to build a time machine, go back in time, and kill whoever invented that word before they invent it.

.....or I could just memorize the spelling......nah!

What about Clockwork Orange?

Would result in being slapped and asked "What kind of girl do you think I am?" in time with Beethovan's 9th.

I use that one all the time.

Thou goest to women, Tyler? Do not forget thy whip!

Polly:
Anna Nichole Smith is rather famous for marrying men who have one foot in the grave and the other foot in the ICU. ;)
 
I will help you with some xevy:p

now what number we up to

16: playing the Next Gen theam song is NOT a turn on

17: Impersonating yoda is NOT going to get you the some wokie:p, (girls like size:p)

HEHHEHEHEHHE
great thread
 
18. Do NOT create A character in sciforums, named after A network
character from an extremely cheesy Alien cop show.:D
 
Originally posted by Asguard
who has a cheesy alian name?

No-no-no, I said...
Character from an extremely cheesy alien cop show.
Not a cheesy alien name. Anyway, your answer...
FoxMulder.
 
oh thought you ment ME because Asguard is the name used in SG-1 but i had it first

19: if you are trying to pick xev up, DEFINITLY avoid religion as a conversation topic:p
 
20. Do not prove how literary minded you are by reciting your latest post to alt.sex.cthulhu

21. Having your walls covered in H. R. Gieger art work is not proof you are in touch with your 'inner female'. It is proof you are a warped and twisted being. (Note to self, must take down my Gieger posters, it scares the kids)

22. Wooing your love to be by asking to her to swap Warez and pr0n does not work.

24. Do not impress the Lady by suddenly writing the bug fix to a Linux kernel problem on the back of her handerchief. This only works if they have a Penguin pin on their lapel.

25. Attempting humour by role playing the Monty Python 'Chef' sketch or reciting the whole of Life of Brian will not work.

26. Your paramour is probably not interested in the latest network fault finding gear you got at work. Fluke meters have their place and it's not at the dinner table.

27. Proving you have a softer side does not include watching John Carpenters 'Spirits of Mars' together.

28. Doing that thing with condoms don't work either.
 
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